Blink
by McDreamOn08
Summary: A sequel to Hanging By A Moment; how MerDer cope with parenthood and a drama that unfolds endangering everyone at SGH. Don't want to give away spoilers. MerPOV; other pairings Bang and Gizzie. You will need to read Hanging By A Moment to understand.
1. Chapter 1

Some people may ask, why surgery

Some people may ask, why surgery? Surgeons, a lot of the time, won't give a direct answer; they'll follow a cop out analogy. I, on the other hand, am a realist; surgeons, like me, have issues; whether it be a failure in marriage or parenthood; or perhaps a lapse in judgement that severely made you question your position in your career; or sometimes we may just be a little crazy, or like me…totally screwed. We become surgeons to escape the tingling feel of loneliness, to compensate for whatever is left in our lives.

Rounds are always a great way to start the day; but when you've been up all night with your boyfriend, had next to no sleep, then you wake up to discover that your roommates have nevertheless eaten all of your cereal. Oh, and to top it off, to have moronic interns running around with no clue of the difference between a 7 intubator and a 7-5 intubator, it could be seen that rounds just were not where I wanted to be.

I arrived at the hospital to find Izzie sleeping on the floor in front of my locker and Cristina lazily sprawled across two chairs. I walked over and nudged Cristina with my hand and poked Izzie with my foot.

"Late night on call?" I asked.

Izzie groaned.

"You have no idea!" she whined.

I put my hands on my hips.

"No idea?" I cried.

Cristina shrugged.

"Well, all you have is McDreamy and the rugrat," she replied.

"McDreamy, who decides at 3am that he wants to have sex! And the rugrat who keeps me up until 12am because there are gremlins in her closet, an idea which, for your information, she got from her Auntie Cristina who decided to read her _The Labyrinth_!" I told them.

Cristina chuckled.

"She insisted! And there was no way I was going anywhere near the crap of those fairytales you two read to her!" she told Izzie and me.

Bailey walked in and folded her arms.

"Grey, your interns are…well, just deal with them!" she told me.

I raced out to the nurse's station where George and Amber were arguing. At this stage, however, it seemed that George was on his own and the other interns were on Amber's side.

"It's not fair that you should get in on this case just because you slept with our resident!" Amber screeched as she snatched the chart.

"It happens to be a familiar case with me!" George cried while he snatched the chart back.

I walked over and snatched the file from George and opened it up.

"It's Tom Maynard!" George said quickly. "Train wreck, pole right through him, Tom!"

I raised my eyebrows and looked at the file.

"George, you're familiar with this case, I need you to be attentive when we round," I told him. I turned to Amber who rolled her eyes. "If you have a problem, you see me; I will not have you shouting on my surgical floor!"

"Sorry Dr. Grey…" Amber turned and mumbled to the others. "I date men, so I won't be seeing her…"

I whipped around.

"Just for that, you are on Dr. Yang's service today, doing what you don't want to do!"

Cristina walked over.

"Dr. Yang, I will take Dr. Grey from you today, you can take Dr. Jennings today," I said to her. "She has also volunteered her services on rectal exams and any enemas you may need."

Cristina looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Not to self, Grey is the new Nazi in training!" George said to me quietly.

"Damn right!" I replied. I turned to Lexie and motioned for her to move. "Rounds people!" We walked into Tom's room where I felt memories of 12 months ago come back to me.

Tom looked a lot better than he did the last time I saw him, on the contrary he looked sad.

"Tom!" I said with a smile.

"Dr. Grey, it's great to see you!" Tom reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Well, I'd say great to see you too, but we're in a hospital, so I'd rather not see you!" I laughed. I turned and looked at George as Derek walked into the room.

"Tom!" Derek leaned over me and gave Tom's hand a gentle shake.

"Dr. Shepherd," Tim answered with a smile.

"Okay, who's presenting?" Derek asked us.

I turned back to George.

"Dr. O'Malley," I prompted.

George pulled out the charts.

"Tom Maynard, 41, was in here 12 months ago for removal of a pole that was completely puncturing his upper abdomen; he has had a left kidney, spleen and partial liver removal; the pole has ruptured one part of the spine which needed to be fused…" George reported. "Today, however, he is complaining of headaches and pain in the fusion area."

"Thank you Dr. O'Malley," Derek said.

"Dr. O'Malley, can you take Tom to CT and then order an MRI," I asked. "I may get Dr. Grey to go with you; you can show her the files from last time Tom was here,"

"Dr. Grey," Tom spoke up.

I turned to him.

"Yes?"

Tom took my hand.

"Can you show them Bonnie's file?" he asked. "I just want them to know why I'm alive today…"

I nodded.

"Of course," I answered.

My interns left the room and I turned back to Tom with a sad look.

"Dr. Grey," he said with a sigh.

I smiled at him weakly.

"I know that you did everything you could…" Tom said softly.

I nodded.

"Love wasn't enough…" I said in response.

Tom shook his head.

"No," he told me. "Heaven just needed another angel…"

I blinked back tears and turned to Derek who gave me a smile that could always make me feel better.

We left the room and Derek stopped me in the hallway.

"Meredith," he took a gentle grip of my shoulders. "Are you okay? I know this is hard…"

"Uh…" I wiped my tears away. "Have you called home this morning?"

Derek shook his head.

"She's fine, Lucy is well trained…" he told me. Lucy was Charlotte's nanny.

"I know, but Charlie…well she can be a little bit of a handful," I replied.

Derek leaned in, cupped his hands around my face and leaned in to kiss me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked with a very concerned look on his face.

I nodded.

"I'm fine!" I answered. "Now, why don't you go clip some aneurysms or open up some brains?" I joked.

Derek chuckled.

"Wanna meet in the on call room later?" he asked. "We can try out the new bed!"

I started to laugh.

"I'm walking away!" I turned on my heels and laughed as I walked back down the hall.

Momentarily I entered the viewing room of CT where I met Derek and George.

"What are we looking at?" I asked.

Derek shook his head sadly.

"There is a nerve that is pressing on the fusion…" he said. "It is causing the pain in his lumbar…the headaches, on the other hand are caused by this…" he pointed to the image.

"Is that a…" I looked closely.

"Massive clot…" George said.

"It's travelling towards his brain…meaning…" Derek started.

"He is going to stroke out…" I finished.

I looked through the glass and saw the nurse rushing over to Tom.

"Code Blue!" she shouted. "He's crashing!"


	2. Chapter 2

I threw down the charts and ran into the CT room

I threw down the charts and ran into the CT room.

"Tom!" I shined a light across his eyes. "Can you hear me? His left pupil is blown!"

"V-Fib!" the nurse told us.

"Can someone get me a crash cart?" Derek shouted.

The nurses rushed a crash cart into the room.

"Is it a stroke?" I asked Derek as he started CPR.

"No, Dr. Grey, it's not a stroke! The monitors are showing elevated ST levels consistent with a heart attack!" Derek snatched up the paddles. "Charge to 250! Clear!"

There was still no response from Tom.

"Come on Tom!" I said to him.

"Charge again to 350!" Derek told them.

After this shock Tom resumed the slightest bit of consciousness.

"Okay, I need to remove the clot, Dr. Grey, prep him for surgery!" Derek told me.

It wasn't before too long that I found myself in the OR with Derek.

"God, I would never have thought this would be him this far down the track this is where he would be…" I sighed.

Derek looked at me.

"Dr. Grey, when he came through those OR doors that night, we didn't think he would live at all…" Derek said.

I nodded.

"He's lucky to have come this far…" I answered.

Derek frowned.

"So what makes you think that he's giving up?" he asked with a slightly irritated tone.

"I never said that…I am just being realistic," I told him in the same tone. "A clot this size…trying to remove it after he had a heart attack and given his medical history…it's just risky…"

Derek ignored me and continued to remove the clot.

"Clot is removed, now all we need to do is close up and we're done here," he told everyone in the operating theatre.

After the surgery Derek met me at the scrub taps.

I ignored him and continued to scrub out.

"Have you called home?" he asked.

I threw my mask in the bin.

"No," with that response, I turned on my heels and walked away.

I drove home for lunch; I had nearly two hours off before my next surgery, and I was on call for Tom. I walked inside to find Charlotte lying on her fold out sofa with a bottle; something I remind myself every day that she needs to stop drinking from.

She never saw me, so I walked over and leaned down next to her.

"Hey baby girl," I whispered.

Charlotte rolled over and her eyes lit up and a smile formed on her face.

"Mommy!" she exclaimed.

"Have you been a good girl?" I asked her.

Charlotte nodded.

Lucy came in.

"Hey," she said. "Lunch time?"

I nodded.

Charlotte climbed up into my arms and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Have you had a nap yet?" I asked her.

"Not yet, because she was waiting to see if mommy was coming home for lunch," Lucy explained.

"Well aren't you lucky she did," I smiled. "But I think you are very tired and you need to have a sleep,"

Charlotte nodded.

"Come on, I'll take you up to your bed," I told her. I carried her up the stairs and lied her down in her newly furnished bedroom which used to be George's room, but since he and Izzie are together, there was no particular need for him to have two bedrooms.

"Where's daddy?" Charlotte asked.

I brushed my hand over her forehead and leaned down to rub my nose against hers.

"Still at work sweetie," I answered. "We won't be late though, so you can still see him before we go to bed,"

Charlotte nodded.

My pager beeped, it was 9-1-1 for Tom.

"Sweetie, mommy needs to go back to work okay," I said quietly. "So, have a rest and I'll see you when I get home,"

Charlotte nodded.

"You're such a good girl," I said leaning down to kiss her good bye.

"I love you mommy," Charlotte said.

"I love _you_ sweetie," I answered as I moved out of her room and closed the door behind me.

Upon arrival at the hospital, I walked in to see Tom using a respirator and the code team moving out of the room.

"What happened?" I asked George as I rushed in and snatched up Tom's charts.

"Elevated ST levels again, we're going to do an echo," he answered as I browsed the charts.

I nodded.

Tom looked up at me and took my hand in a gentle but noticeably weak grip.

I sat down on a chair to talk to him.

"Tom, you've been having arrhythmias that have caused you to have a heart attack," I told him.

"Dr. Grey, I have a daughter…" he said. "She is five months old…and it sounds so ridiculous but I'm…I'm scared of dying and leaving her behind…"

I took a deep breath.

"I have a daughter too…" I told him. "She's four,"

Tom looked confused.

"About two months ago, she was in here because her biological parents abused her so badly they shattered half her skull…" I explained. "So Derek…I mean, uh, Dr. Shepherd, and I adopted her…"

Tom smiled.

"You would make a wonderful mother," he told me.

"Tom, she has had open heart surgery and two craniotomies, and I've nearly lost her each time…" I explained to him. "And do you know, I am so terrified to leave her every morning with her fully trained and qualified nanny…so I get where you are coming from,"

I gave Tom's hand a gentle squeeze.

"So, let me just ask you something…don't give up yet okay…" I said. "You have come so far in 12 months, and my god you are a fighter…so you are not going to give up, you hear me?"

Tom nodded.

"Not after all of this…because I promise you, you want to see your daughter at four years old," I said.

"My wife, she is bringing her over this afternoon," Tom told me. "Will you please come and meet her?"

I smiled.

"Of course,"

A couple of minutes later I was paging George again to follow up the request for Tom's echo when I felt a hand around my waist. Thinking that the likelihood of it being Sloan was quite high, I wondered if my reflex was as good as the time that I pummelled a guy in high school for blowing into my ear. I turned around to see Derek standing there.

"Hey," he kissed my cheek.

"Oh, so you're talking to me now?" I asked abruptly.

Derek ran his hand down my arm.

"I'm sorry," he said into my ear as he hugged me. "Forgive me?"

I smiled to myself.

"I'm thinking about it," I answered. He pulled back and looked at me with his beautiful green eyes. "Maybe later," I said.

He leaned in and kissed me.

"Have you been home?" he asked.

"What makes you say that?" I questioned.

Derek laughed and pulled at my scrubs.

"Because there is milk on your scrubs," he answered.

I started to laugh.

"I carried her up to bed and the bottle came with her, so it was sort of a pre requisite for it to happen," I laughed.

"Oh, I find it adorable," Derek chuckled. "Now, Tom's echo is getting done by O'Malley, and then pending those results, Hahn is going to come for a consult,"

I nodded.

"How do the post op results look?" I asked.

"Well, see here," Derek held up a set of films. "The clot is out, but there is still risk of haemorrhage…so we need to just keep an eye on it in case he is going to stroke out."

I nodded.

"So, what was she doing?" Derek asked.

"Watching TV, she had _Meet the Robinsons_ on again," I answered.

"How many times is that now?" Derek laughed; _Meet the Robinsons_ was Charlotte's favourite movie.

"I lost count at 15," I replied.

Derek smiled.

"Tom has a daughter," I told him. "He has this fear of dying and leaving her behind,"

Derek looked at me, knowing exactly how this related to what I was feeling in some way.

"I know that sometimes it feels scary…" he rubbed my shoulders. "I promise though, the feeling will pass…"


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night, Derek and I finished work; it was still relatively early, and I was hoping that Charlotte would be awake

Later that night, Derek and I finished work; it was still relatively early, and I was hoping that Charlotte would be awake.

We walked inside to find Izzie and George at home. Lucy must have left when they got home.

"What are you doing home?" I asked them.

"Escaping…because there is no way in hell that I am getting stuck on call tonight…" she put her head on George's shoulder. "I need to sleep…" she moaned.

"Charlie's asleep," George told us. "We were sitting on the lounge watching…"

"_Meet the Robinsons_," Derek and I said together.

Izzie chuckled.

"I'm going to go and tuck her in," I said.

"I'll come," Derek followed me up the stairs to Charlotte's bedroom; she was sleeping so peacefully; I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, just listening to her breathe; studying every detail of her face. She must have felt my presence there because she began to stir. He eyes fluttered open sleepily.

"Mommy?" she said groggily. She turned and saw Derek and smiled. "Daddy, you're home!" she sat up.

"We wanted to come and say goodnight," Derek said as he leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"Can I get up?" Charlotte asked.

"Oh, I don't see why not," I smiled turning to look at Derek with pleading eyes. "Why don't you come see Aunty Izzie and Uncle George for a little while?"

Charlotte looked at me excitedly and reached out to be picked up.

"I'll make you some cocoa," I told her as I lifted her up and carried her downstairs.

We walked into the lounge room and saw Izzie and George cuddled together, nearly falling asleep. Charlotte walked over and plopped herself down in the middle of them.

"Hello honey pie," Izzie smiled.

I walked out and filled Charlotte's bottle with some warm cocoa; I brought it back out to her where she climbed up onto the lounge with me.

"Did you have a nice day?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"I painted a picture for you," she told me.

"Oh really?" I asked.

Charlotte climbed down off the lounge and went into the kitchen where she retrieved a picture off the fridge. She brought it out to us and held it up.

It looked like a mass of scribbles in the shape of people.

"What's this?" Derek asked picking it up.

"That's you, that's mommy, that's Aunty Izzie and Aunty Cristina and Uncle George! And that's me!" she exclaimed.

I smiled at her and pulled her close giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"It's beautiful!" I told her.

Izzie held out her arms for Charlotte who went into them without hesitation.

"Hey sweetie," I said to Charlotte.

She looked at me.

"Nearly bedtime okay?" I told her.

Charlotte nodded.

"Tomorrow, you can help me make some muffins okay?" Izzie said.

Charlotte nodded excitedly.

"Goodnight Aunty Izzie," she kissed Izzie on the cheek and leaned over to give George a hug. "Night, night Uncle George,"

"Night princess," George kissed her forehead.

Derek and I walked her back upstairs to her room where we tucked her in and put her to sleep.

"Hey Iz," I called from upstairs.

"Yeah?"

"We're going to go to bed," I told her.

"Okay!" I heard her call.

"Goodnight George!" I called.

"Night Mer," he answered.

"Night Iz!" I said.

"Goodnight!" Izzie replied.

Derek and I went into the bedroom where I climbed into bed and rolled onto my side to allow Derek to rub my back.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

I frowned with curiosity and rolled back over to face him.

"Huh?" I said.

"Because you seem happy," he told me.

I smiled at him.

"I am really happy," I answered. "I've got you, and I've got Charlie, I just feel like everything is falling into place…"

Derek leaned in to kiss me and we fell asleep.

During the night I awoke to Charlotte climbing into my bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She cuddled into me.

"I wanna stay with you," she said.

I sighed knowing that it would be another restless night with little sleep.

"Mommy…" Charlotte whispered as I closed my eyes.

I opened them again and saw her peering into my gaze.

"Yeah?" I asked softly.

"I love you," Charlotte said quietly.

I smiled and felt a lump forming in my throat.

"I love you too sweetheart," I answered pulling her close and stroking her hair.

The next morning I awoke to Charlotte stirring next to me. I rolled over to find Derek still asleep.

"Charlie…" I whispered.

Charlotte opened her eyes.

"Do you want to go see if Aunty Izzie will help us make daddy some breakfast?" I asked her.

She sat up and nodded; I climbed out of bed and picked her up. We poked our head into Izzie and George's room; Izzie was asleep.

"Psst…" I said. "Iz!"

No answer.

"Izzie!" I said a little louder.

Izzie rolled over sleepily.

"Mmm…what time is it?" she asked.

"Six thirty…" I answered. "We have to be at the hospital at nine,"

George groaned and rolled so far over he fell off the bed.

Charlotte started laughing.

"Aunty Izzie we are going to make daddy some breakfast!" she told Izzie. "But mommy wants you to help because she doesn't know how to make it!"

Izzie laughed.

"Okay," she got up out of bed and walked with Charlotte downstairs. I sat on the edge of the bed with George.

"Ah, life is good…" I said to him with a smile.

George smiled back.

"It is," he answered. "You know, it's been a while since I've seen you so happy,"

I nodded.

"It's the first time in a long while I have actually felt happy," I told him. "I better go downstairs to see what they are making,"

"Beg for pancakes!" George called after me.

I started laughing as I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Izzie and Charlotte had made a stack of pancakes and some French toast for Charlotte and me to take up to Derek. I carried the plate upstairs and Charlotte followed closely behind with her bottle. I opened the door and Charlotte walked in followed me slowly over to the bed where I leaned over and while Derek was asleep, kissed him.

He opened his eyes and smiled; his gaze fell upon Charlotte.

"Good morning you," he said.

"Me and Aunty Izzie made you breakfast daddy!" she exclaimed.

Derek smiled.

"Oh, wow!" he said.

"Pancakes and French toast!" Charlotte told him excitedly.

"Sounds yum!" Derek answered.

"It is," I said leaning in to kiss him again.

Charlotte screwed up her face.

"Mommy!" she cried.

I leaned over and tousled her hair.

"Go see Aunty Izzie for a sec baby," I told her. "And then go and get some clothes because Lucy will be here,"

She nodded and jumped off the bed.

"Thank you for breakfast Charlie!" Derek called out.

Charlotte turned around and gave Derek a smile that could melt a million hearts.

I climbed off the bed and closed the door.

"So, we didn't get a chance last night…I was hoping that this morning would be a little different…" I said as I hopped under the covers.

Derek leaned over and kissed me; it wasn't before too long that in the most uncalled for time, his pager started to beep, as did mine.

"Tom…" Derek jumped up.

"9-1-1!" I followed suit.


	4. Chapter 4

We arrived at the hospital to find Tom intubated and tubes running from all ends of his body

We arrived at the hospital to find Tom intubated and tubes running from all ends of his body.

"What happened?" I asked the nurse.

"The clot must have reformed…" Derek said. "Levels are consistent with restricted oxygen to the brain…"

I looked at him desperately.

"Is the brain swelling?" I asked.

Derek nodded.

"I need to go back in there, re open the skull flap…" he said as he turned to me. "Prep him and I'll book an OR!"

Not too much later, Derek and I were in the OR.

"I hate to say I told you so…" I couldn't help but say.

Derek raised his eyebrows and looked up.

"Dr. Grey, can we discuss this later?" he asked with a hint of cynicism.

"I'm just saying…" I started.

"Dr. Grey, leave the room," Derek ordered.

I looked up at him, pain stricken and hurt crossing my gaze.

"Sorry?" I asked.

"You are no longer required in this OR," Derek said.

I glared at him knowing that above my surgical mask all he could see were my eyes and therefore was not mistaking my emotion in the slightest.

Later that day I entered Tom's room to check on his vitals and stats. He started to open his eyes while I was filling out his chart.

"Dr. Grey…" he said quietly.

I looked up and smiled.

"Tom," I said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my head has been opened up once again…" Tom answered.

I sighed.

"Good guess…" I told him. "Well Tom, things aren't looking too crash hot at the moment, the clot reformed despite the meds you're on…"

Tom frowned.

"Dr. Grey…" he started.

"Meredith…" I said to him. "Please, call me Meredith,"

"Meredith…am I going to be able to go home?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and sat down with him.

"Tom, I am going to…Dr. Shepherd and I are going to do everything we can to make sure that you see your little girl grow up," I promised.

Derek walked in and as soon as he did I got up and walked out of the room.

"Tom, I'll be back to see you later," I said to Tom as I left.

Derek looked at Tom.

"Argument?" Tom asked.

"Hmm…I guess you can say that, or even so, call it a professional disagreement." Derek answered.

"She's a good woman," Tom said. "Don't let her go,"

Derek nodded.

"I know," he replied.

The day seemed to drag; the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I had to check on Tom every hour. The day ended late and I found myself coming home around ten thirty. Charlotte was asleep and I knew that Derek would probably sleep either at the trailer or on the couch.

That night I was lying in bed with my eyes closed when I felt Derek come into the room and take his pillow. I realised that he was sleeping on the couch. Not too much later I heard him fumbling for something in the bathroom; I saw him leave with something that resembled a grey fabric and a small jar of some sort in his hand. I rolled my eyes and went to sleep.

It was early hours of the morning that I laid there waiting for my alarm to go off, knowing that it was an early start for me that day. I switched off the clock and walked downstairs where I saw Derek channel surfing under the blankets on the lounge. I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride and walked over to where I was in the complete path of his viewing.

"You slept on the couch?" I asked.

"What's your point?" Derek asked.

"You didn't sleep with me…" I answered as I edged my way onto the lounge; half of my body was on his. I pulled the blanket over me and cuddled in where I breathed in a scent of lavender. "Lavender?"

"Helps me sleep…" Derek replied.

I frowned and felt my arm leaning on something bunched up under the blankets. I pulled out the piece of grey fabric that he carried the night before. It was my _Dartmouth_ shirt that I always slept in.

"Derek…" I sighed.

Derek shrugged.

"It helps me sleep…" he answered.

"So because you are not sleeping in my bed, you take one of my shirts to cuddle up to and then you put lavender on your pillow so it smells like my hair?" I cried.

Derek shrugged.

"You only need to come back up those stairs to do that," I told him.

Derek sighed and looked at me.

"After today, I'm not sure that it would have been a good idea," he said.

I looked at him with a frown.

"Derek, do you remember what you said to me a little while ago…" I said.

Derek shook his head.

"You said that you would always show up…" I put my hand on his chest. "Even if you yell…" I then moved it to his cheek. "Even if I yell, I was to expect that you would always show up…" I looked at him closely. "And last night…you didn't…" I took a deep breath. "You didn't show up…"

Derek could see that I was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry…" was all he could say. He pulled me close and held me tightly. "From now on, I'll show up…"

"Good," I smiled to myself. "And I will keep my mouth shut in the OR from now on…"

Derek chuckled.

"Don't make that promise," he laughed.

I leaned up and kissed him softly. Suddenly the lights turned on and Izzie was standing in the doorway shaking her head.

"Can you guys please keep off my radar!" she sighed sleepily. "Or keep it down at least!"

I smiled.

"Morning Iz," I said.

"George called dibs on the shower because apparently sex makes him sweaty and icky!" Izzie said.

I blocked my ears.

"Ew!" I cried.

Lucy arrived relatively early, knowing that we were all leaving to be at the hospital before pre-rounds. I walked upstairs to find Charlotte climbing out of bed.

"Mommy, do you have to go to work?" she asked groggily.

I walked over and picked her up.

"Yeah, I do…but I'll be home early today!" I told her. "We'll do something fun okay?"

I kissed her over and over causing her to erupt into giggles.

I carried her downstairs.

Izzie started talking in a baby voice to Charlotte.

"Oh hi baby!" she said with a smile.

Derek leaned over and kissed Charlotte.

"See you tonight sweetheart," he said. "I love you!"

"Love you daddy!" Charlotte answered. She turned to me. "Bye mommy, I love you!"

I gave her a hug.

"I love you too honey,"

The pit was overrun that morning; mind you, it was a Saturday which made it seem like an even more hellish ordeal.

"Grey!" Bailey called out as she ran into the pit. "Incoming traumas, GSW, paramedics say that ETA is about three minutes!"

I ran out to meet the ambulance; the victim was wheeled in on a gurney quickly.

"He's coded four times already! Gun shot wounds to the head and to the back; he's going to need some more blood…" the paramedic explained. "His blood type is AB neg!"

I nodded.

"Someone page Dr. Shepherd!" I yelled.

Bailey rushed over.

"Okay Grey, he's going to need to go straight to surgery!" she told me.

Derek followed over.

"Clear OR1!" he told a nurse. Izzie happened to walk past as he searched around. "Dr. Stevens, I'm going to need a few hands! Scrub in with Dr. Grey!"

Izzie nodded with a horrified look on her face.

In the OR Derek was removing the second bullet from the man's skull.

"It's lodged into his temporal lobe…" Derek sighed. "This is going to be harder than I thought…Dr. Stevens I need you to hold the clamp and Dr. Grey I need you to hold the Bovie…"

Just as he said that I heard gunshots sound and echo through the halls of the hospital.

"What the hell was that?" Derek cried.

The shots sounded again and screams echoed through the room. Just as we all started to get a little scared, a tall and dark man ran into the OR holding a gun.

"Nobody moves!" he shouted.

**Keep Reading to see what happens next!!**


	5. Chapter 5

I froze and looked at Derek and Izzie with sheer horror in my eyes

I froze and looked at Derek and Izzie with sheer horror in my eyes. Izzie started to breathe heavily and panic.

"All of you; on the floor!" the man yelled.

Izzie and I hit the floor and Derek remained calmly at the patient's open brain.

"I said get on the floor!" the man pointed a gun at Derek.

"For God's sake Derek get on the floor!" I screamed at him.

"Shut up!" the gunman shouted at me.

Derek put the instruments down and calmly sat next to Izzie and me.

Meanwhile Bailey was paging Cristina and George when they raced over to meet her and Burke.

"Right, you two need to leave right now! Go outside and wait in the parking lot with Dr. Heron!" Bailey ordered Cristina and George. "We have two residents and an attending in a hostage situation and we don't need any more people in danger!"

"It's Meredith!" Cristina cried.

"And Izzie!" George protested. "How can you expect us to just leave the building?"

"Yes I can, and yes you will!" Bailey yelled. "I am not asking you, I am ordering you! Now move!"

Cristina looked at Burke with hope.

"Cristina, go!" he told her.

Cristina and George moved out into the parking lot where they waited frantically.

For the moment Izzie and I were looking pale and terrified, Derek was trying to be brave.

"Now, I am coming to finish what I started!" the man said gruffly as he pulled out a gun from his pocket.

I took a deep breath and felt tears trickle down my cheek as I looked at Izzie.

"Oh my god!" she whispered. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…"

I grabbed her hand and pressed a finger to my lips.

I closed my eyes tightly as I saw the man hold the gun to the open body of the gun shot victim.

The next thing I heard was a shot firing through the air.

Everyone outside heard it too; as did Bailey, the Chief and Burke who were still waiting at the Nurse's station with the police.

"Was that a…?" Bailey started.

"Gun shot…" Burke answered; he knew the sound all too well.

In the OR I felt a blood spatter hit my forehead and I didn't dare wipe it away. I looked at Izzie and then back at the gunman who for the first time made eye contact with the three of us. I didn't dare look at Derek; I couldn't bare him to see just how distressed I looked.

The gunman started to panic.

"I-I can't have all three of you, I only need two…" he looked at us. "One of you is going to leave…"

I looked up at him confused.

"Who?" I said in a tiny voice.

"You will choose!" he said angrily. "And make it quick!"

I looked at Izzie as did Derek, knowing that I wasn't about to leave him.

"Iz…" I squeezed her hand.

Izzie shook her head.

"N-no…" she whispered. "I can't leave you in here!"

I looked at her sadly with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"But…Charlie…" she said.

"Izzie, listen to me…you are going to leave…and if I don't get out of here…_you_ are going to be her mother…" I told her as I started to cry. "Izzie, you will make a better mother than I could ever have been…"

Izzie started to cry.

"No…no, don't talk like that…" she sobbed. "You are going to get out of this!"

The gunman grabbed Izzie by the shoulder and shoved her out of the door.

Derek squeezed my hand.

Outside Bailey met a distressed and sobbing Izzie. Bailey grabbed her and pulled her close.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay," she said. "Come on, I'll take you to the East Wing…" she turned to Burke and the Chief. "Page me if something…"

Burke nodded.

"Just go, Miranda," he said.

Cristina and George saw Izzie walk past with Bailey and ran in after them.

"Izzie!" George cried grabbing Izzie and kissing her then hugging her tightly.

Izzie started to cry again.

"Meredith…she?" Cristina stumbled.

"She's still in there…her and Shepherd…" Izzie sobbed.

Cristina was white with fear.

In the OR Derek and I were terrified. I looked at him with a look that could terrify him.

"You!" the gunman pointed to me.

I looked at him.

"You're going to show me how to get out of here!" he said in an angry tone.

I nodded.

"And you!" he pointed to Derek. "You are going to follow us and open all doors; I am not having you running away! Now both of you _get up_!"

I got up nervously as did Derek.

During the time that Derek and I were moving to the OR exit doors, Tom began to code yet again. Had I known that was why my paging was beeping incessantly I would have been more worried; it was Bailey this time answering the code. But it seemed too hard to revive him.

"Let's go Tom!" Bailey cried.

In the midst of the drama in Tom's room, I was faced with my own cold reality of a gun shot barrel held to my head. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as we moved through the fire escape and down stairs that were bringing back so many memories of where Derek and I met to talk or to kiss when we were hiding from the others. A place where I found time for each of my friends; where we talked when things got tough; or even just when "really old guy" died and we couldn't use his room anymore.

We reached the bottom stairs and suddenly I didn't know what would happen next.

Flat lines were sounding in Tom's room while Bailey was desperately trying to revive him.

"No!" she cried. "You are not giving up now, because you didn't last time and I am not about to let you now!"

She shocked him once more and his lines increased to a minimum; enough, however, to restart his heart.

At this point we were still standing at the doors not knowing where to go; both Derek and I knew that the whole hospital was surrounded; it wasn't until the gunman dragged me through the door that I knew this was going to be a whole new turn of events.

As I was dragged out the door, I looked over and saw a line of police lining up before us.

"Oh god," I whispered. "I think it is safe to say that today couldn't get any worse…"

For a second I felt his grip loosen and I thought for a moment what running away would do; knowing that it wouldn't be the greatest idea I pulled away from his grip with all my might and turned to run; gun shots started firing when he held a gun at my turned back and for an instant I felt a sharp pain hit my leg. The pain was so intense that I threw myself through the door and landed on Derek. He grabbed me and held me tightly as he ripped off my scrub shirt and wrapped it around my leg. I tightened my grip on Derek as shots were firing through the air; trying my best to block out the terrifying sound.

For a minute everything went silent and I knew it was over. As reality sunk in I looked down at my leg and saw blood pouring out.

"Oh my god…" I started to panic. "Oh my god, oh my god…"

The chief burst through the door.

"Meredith! Shepherd!" he cried. He looked down at my leg. "What…?"

"We need to get her to the OR now!" Derek told him as he lifted me up.

The chief snatched up his pager.

"I am paging OR1 to let them know we are coming up! Shepherd you need to page Bailey, take Meredith to a bed and get out of the way!" he told Derek abruptly.

Derek rushed to the nearest bed and put me down where I was starting to pass out from the pain I was in. I grabbed his shirt and looked at him desperately.

"You're going to be okay…" he whispered.

It wasn't before too long we were in the OR and the anaesthesiologist was putting the mask over my face, counting back from ten was sending images across my vision. I was envisioning myself at home with Charlotte…at the bar with Izzie, George and Cristina; visions of Derek and I together; at the end though, I saw myself in the OR. It was at that moment it all went blank; moments of my life came to a halt and suddenly nothing existed; nothing but a blank.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up momentarily looking around, hoping for a familiar face, something…anything that I could lock eyes on

I woke up momentarily looking around, hoping for a familiar face, something…anything that I could lock eyes on. The room was empty and I was fearful; I kept seeing the gunman everywhere I looked and I grew more scared every moment I was alone. I looked down at my leg and knew that there was no way I could walk; but hey…there was no harm in trying.

I sat up and moved my leg with a painful grunt.

"What the hell are you doing?" I heard a familiar voice and took a deep sigh.

I looked up to see Bailey standing in front of me.

"I…uh…err…I was just looking for you!" I tried to cover my tracks.

"Get back in bed!" Bailey cried.

I looked at Bailey and my eyes welled with tears.

"I was so scared…" I sobbed.

Bailey sighed deeply and looked heartbroken.

"Oh…" she said racing over to hug me. "Oh, I know…" she looked at me and pulled the hair from my eyes.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Yang and O'Malley are assisting Burke in a surgery and Izzie and Derek are talking to the police…" Bailey answered. "I, on the other hand, am here to look after you, now let's have a look at your leg," she lifted up the sheet and started to unwrap the bandage on my leg. "It's looking okay," she said. "Any pain?"

"A little…" I replied.

"Do you need some Morphine?" she asked.

I chuckled.

"Do you remember the last time you gave me that stuff?" I laughed. "I think a bit of Demerol should do it…"

Bailey smiled; something I don't see very often.

"I raised you tough Grey!" she said with a proud look on her face.

"You certainly did!" I answered.

I heard the door open and turned to see Izzie and Derek walk in.

"Hi…" I said softly as tears, once again, formed in my eyes.

Izzie rushed over and threw her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry…" she sobbed. "Mer, I am so, so sorry!"

"It's okay…" I whispered. "It's all okay now…"

Later that day Derek and I were alone in the room; I didn't say anything, I lied on my back and stared at the ceiling, reliving the moments from earlier that day.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Derek asked.

"I don't want to." I answered flatly.

Derek put his hand on mine and as he touched me I jolted.

"Hey…" he said softly as he rubbed my arm.

"I just…" I took a deep breath. "I keep going over and over it in my head, thinking about what could have happened had I not pulled away…"

Derek looked at me sadly.

"But you did…and you're here…" he said.

I turned to see Izzie standing at the door.

"I thought we could all use a visitor," she said.

"Huh?" I looked at her with confusion.

All of a sudden Charlotte came running through the door.

"Mommy!" she cried happily. Derek caught her as she went to jump on the bed.

"Charlie be careful, mommy has a very sore leg…" he told her.

I reached out for her.

"Come here baby," I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Mommy…are you okay?" she questioned, a little confused by all the machines and sounds around her.

"Oh, I'm fine sweetie…" I reassured her with a gentle stroke of her cheek.

Charlotte put her head on my chest and closed her eyes.

"I'm tired…" she whined.

"I know honey, me too…" I answered.

It wasn't before too long that everyone had cleared out of the room and it was just Derek, Charlotte and I. Charlotte had fallen asleep on me and the Demerol had begun to take its toll. Derek must have been able to see just how tired I was.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm just tired…" I answered. "And the worst part is, I just can't close my eyes…" I sighed. "Because every time I do, I see him there…it's like…it's happening all over again…"

Derek ran his hand down my cheek.

"I _promise_, that I will _never_ let anything like that happen to you again," he said.

I took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling.

"I just can't…" I said. "I can't stop thinking…it's like…I'm on a roundabout; a circular doorway…or a carousel or whatever…and I just can't get off…"

Derek nodded and looked at Charlotte.

"I better take her home…" he told me.

"Derek…" I grabbed his hand as he got up. "There was nothing you could do to stop it…"

Derek picked Charlotte up off my chest.

"I know…" he sighed as he leaned down to kiss me. "I'll come back soon…"

I nodded.

"Okay," I said softly.

The next day I was laying in the hospital bed waiting for my interns and Bailey to round; the only problem was I was half naked in a hospital bed, which is not what you want to be as a resident when your interns round on you. Bailey entered momentarily.

"Okay, O'Malley, you can present," she said to George.

"Um…Meredith Grey, post-op day two…" George started as he flicked through the charts. "All stats are stable and vitals increasing to normal; she is beginning her first round of oral meds today and if all goes well will be discharged later this evening or tomorrow morning,"

I smiled.

"Sounds good to me!" I said.

Bailey looked at me.

"Grey, this means you do not move from that bed until I say so! If I so much as find out that you have moved, I will kick your ass all the way back into your bed so hard that you _will_ not be leaving!" she said in a tone that scared me into staying in bed all day.

"But I have to pee, Dr. Bailey!" I said with a chuckle.

"Shut up Grey!" Bailey warned. "We're going to round on Tom and then I am coming back…" she turned and gave me a steely warning glare. "Don't you move! And I will know if you have!"

"I won't!" I laughed.

Derek emerged at the door as Bailey and the interns left.

"I get to come home today!" I told him.

"I know all your discharge details, so I am going to make sure you are not doing anything you shouldn't!" Derek said leaning down to kiss me. "Did you sleep?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"I couldn't…" I sighed. "I missed you, I wanted Charlie and I couldn't think of anything else…"

Derek ran his hand down my cheek.

"I know…" he said softly. "Tonight you can come home, sleep in your own bed and everything will be okay…"

I nodded.

"Dr. Grey?" I looked up at the door to see Tom being wheeled into the room by George carrying a little baby.

"Tom!" I said with a smile

"I heard what happened…" he told me. "And I wanted you to meet Ruth…"

"Oh, Tom…" I put my hand to my chest and sighed in awe. "She is beautiful!"

Tom stood up out of the wheel chair and passed her to me.

"Oh, aren't you just precious…" I said in a baby voice. "Oh you are just beautiful!"

Bailey walked in and smiled.

"And this must be the little princess!" she exclaimed; a voice of Bailey's I had never heard before. I passed Ruth to Bailey who then started gushing in a baby voice.

"You are precious…yes you are!" she gushed.

The chief walked in, followed by Izzie who, at this point looked as though she would fall asleep then and there.

"Chief!" I said surprised. I turned and looked at Izzie. "Hey Iz,"

Izzie smiled weakly.

"How are you feeling Meredith?" the chief asked.

I shrugged.

"As best as can be expected," I answered.

"Have you started your oral meds?" he asked.

"Only when I need them…" I replied.

The chief looked at Bailey.

"I'd assume she's a breed of yours…" he chuckled.

I smiled at the chief and looked around the room wondering how all of a sudden the room had become crowded and stuffy. I took a deep breath and wondered to myself if this is what it felt like with a real family; _was this what it was like to have people care? Is this the real world?_


	7. Chapter 7

Later that evening I was desperately hoping that Bailey would discharge me

Later that evening I was desperately hoping that Bailey would discharge me. When she entered the room my eyes gave away _exactly_ what I was feeling.

"Good news and bad news Grey," she said.

I frowned.

"Tell me straight," I told her. "Believe me, I can take anything!"

"Okay the good news is you can go home," she answered. "The bad news is that O'Malley is going to be your home doctor, which means he will be pestering you like a bad smell!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, not only because I was going home but because I was fearful that Bailey was going to be my home doctor; and the last thing I needed was the Nazi riding my butt.

Derek entered the room and smiled.

"So, are you coming home?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded.

"Great!" Derek answered with a smile.

George entered the room.

"O'Malley, Grey is being discharged which means it is time for you to go home," Bailey told him.

George looked at me with a cheeky grin.

"Is Dr. Grey taking all of her meds?" he asked Bailey.

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"O'Malley, while we are in this hospital I am still Chief Resident, when you get home, you can then play doctor with Grey, but until you leave those doors, you remain professional with your patients!" Bailey told him with a hint of sarcasm. "Are we clear?"

George looked at her.

"Crystal," he answered.

"Are you trying to be funny?" Bailey asked.

George shook his head.

"N-no, Dr. Bailey…" he stumbled.

"Better not be!" Bailey replied.

I cleared my throat, even though the likes of this argument was much more entertaining then any talk show I've ever watched.

"Can I go home?" I asked.

"Get packed up Grey, and then you may go home." Bailey responded.

I arrived home to find Charlotte asleep on Izzie on the lounge; Izzie was wide awake watching TV.

"Hey Iz," I smiled.

Izzie looked so tired when she looked up to see us; I couldn't imagine she'd slept much herself lately.

"Oh, hey," she said.

Derek went over and picked Charlotte up and carried her up to bed. I sat down next to Izzie on the lounge and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Have you slept?" I asked her.

"No," she answered. "I just keep…" she took a deep breath.

"Going over it?" I sighed.

Izzie nodded.

"I feel like I can't talk to Derek about it…" I told her. Had I had known he was coming back into the lounge room I would have lowered my voice. "I just feel like it's haunting me…I close my eyes for one second and I am back in that OR; I'm back in front of that firing squad…"

"It's like the carousel is spinning…" Izzie said.

I looked at her and nodded.

"And you can't get off…" I finished.

Izzie nodded.

George and Derek walked into the lounge room. George pulled Izzie close to him and I climbed onto Derek's lap as he sat in the arm chair. He leaned in next to my cheek and breathed in the scent of my hair.

"Lavender…" he whispered. "My favourite…"

I smiled and leaned back to look at him as he kissed me gently.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked.

"Not a bad idea Mer," George added.

I looked at them both.

"I don't need home doctors!" I cried. I then turned to George. "But, at the risk of you blabbing to Bailey, I am going to go to bed!"

George smiled in satisfaction and Derek was more than happy to take me up to bed.

I climbed into bed, not too much later and lied there staring at the ceiling; as Derek climbed into bed I rolled over and looked at him with a look he'd never known before the events of the past few days.

"Why can't you talk to me?" he asked. "I'll listen…I may even understand…" he sighed.

"It's not that…" I took a deep breath. "I guess I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me…I don't need rescuing…I'm totally fine…"

"You're tough, and I get that," Derek said. "But sometimes, I just wish you would let me take care of you…"

I climbed up and lied on top of him, resting my arms on his chest, my face inches from his.

"You take care of me in ways I've never known; and everyday I am thankful for that…" I told him. "But I've _never_ known anything like this, so there are times where I will not know how to tell you just how I feel…"

Derek nodded and kissed me.

Later that night I fell asleep, only to be haunted by the past few days; I dreamed I was in the OR and this time it was Derek in front of me with the gunman; a gun was held to his head and I was standing there with tears running down my cheeks. I started to cry so hard that the gunman shoved me to the ground where Izzie knelt next to me and called my name as I blacked out…

"Meredith!" she cried. "Mer…Meredith…"

The voice began to change.

"Meredith…Meredith!"

I opened my eyes to feel my self tossing and turning, crying and screaming. I looked up and gasped, only to see Derek shaking me and looking at me with a terribly concerned look upon his face.

"Mer…" he said as my eyes opened.

I started sobbing.

"I can't…I don't…I just can't do it anymore!" I sobbed.

Derek pulled me close and held me tightly.

"I need to go to the bathroom…" I climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me; I ran the water for a little while and splashed cold water to my face as a way to calm myself down. As I left the bathroom I took it upon myself to check on Charlotte; I looked into her room and saw her sleeping peacefully with her arm slung over the edge of the bed. I walked over and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

"I don't know what I would have done if I could never see you again…" I sighed.

I turned to see Derek standing at the doorway.

"Coming back to bed?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I was just checking on her…" I told him. I leaned over and gave the window a push to check that there was no way it would open.

"Mer…" Derek sighed.

I brushed past him as I walked into our bedroom, I then climbed into bed; Derek leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Try and get some sleep, you've had a big few days…" he said.

I nodded and closed my eyes.

The next morning the alarm went off for Derek to go to work, I rolled over to see him get up; I hadn't slept and was already awake so I got up with him.

"Good morning," I said as I poked my head in the bathroom door.

Derek leaned over and kissed me.

"Hey," he smiled. "How did you sleep?"

"I didn't," I answered.

Derek brushed his hand over my cheek.

"I can tell," he sighed. "Go and see if Charlie's up and I'll come down and make you some breakfast,"

I walked into Charlotte's room to see her stirring, I thought I'd let her sleep a little longer so I wandered past Izzie's room to see George getting up.

"Hey," I said to him. "Is she awake?"

He nodded.

"Make it quick, I need to do a check over before I leave," he told me.

I wandered in to the room to see Izzie staring out the window.

"Hey you," I said climbing under the covers. "Need a chit chat?"

She looked at me with sad eyes.

"I still can't get off…" she sighed with tears flowing down her cheeks.

"It won't stop spinning…?" I asked.

Izzie started to cry.

"I haven't slept and I am so tired!" she sobbed. "I don't want to feel weak because it isn't me! But I just can't stop thinking about why I left that OR!"

"You left because I asked you to," I told her.

Izzie put her arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

"Don't ever ask me anything like that again!" she said.

George appeared at the door.

"You need to let me check your sutures Meredith," he said.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my leg out of the blanket.

George pulled up the cover over my sutures and took a good look.

"No clots as yet, but there is still some bleeding I'm not entirely happy with…" he said looking closely at the wound. "You'll need to come in this morning so I can have a better look,"

"Are you serious?" I cried. "George, can't you just leave it!"

George sat up and folded his arms with a frown.

"Seriously Mer?" he asked.

"At the risk of you telling Bailey, I am going to come in," I sighed. I looked at Izzie. "He was never good at keeping secrets,"

Izzie laughed.

I got out of bed and as my foot touched the ground I felt a sharp wave of pain cross through my leg.

"Ah…" I groaned. I hobbled across to the door and stopped when I reached the threshold; I grabbed hold of the door frame and winced in pain; just in the moment that Derek passed by the room.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a concerned look.

"N-nothing…I'm fine…" I answered. I tried my best to move into the bedroom but the pain intensified and I couldn't bear it any longer. "Okay, I'm not fine…" I told them.

George grabbed on of my arms and Derek grabbed the other.

"You need to come to the hospital," George said to me with every inch of concern in his eyes.

I nodded.

"I'll stay with Charlie, you go now," Izzie said to us.


	8. Chapter 8

When we arrived at the hospital Bailey met us at trauma and had filed the paperwork to admit me immediately

When we arrived at the hospital Bailey met us at trauma and had filed the paperwork to admit me immediately. She came straight into the trauma room and looked at the wound on my leg.

"Grey, is the pain anywhere else in your leg?" Bailey questioned.

I shook my head.

"It's just here," I pointed to a place that was just above the wound. "While I am sitting here there's no pain, but as soon as I stand up…"

Bailey nodded.

"Okay," she said. "How about some more Demerol?"

I shrugged.

"Couldn't hurt," I replied.

Derek walked in.

"Feeling any better?" he asked leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"I'm fine, it doesn't hurt as bad as it did at the house," I answered looking at Bailey. "Can I go home? I feel better!"

"Be that as it may, I don't like the fact that your pain is still registering at a seven and you are not taking your meds!" Bailey answered with a quick snap.

"Dr. Bailey, I am fine! Seriously!" I cried.

Bailey folded her arms.

"You can keep blabbering on about how you're all fine, but I don't believe you!" she told me.

I rolled my eyes and folded my arms stubbornly.

"This sucks!" I sighed.

Derek sighed and put his hand on my shoulder.

"What if she keeps taking the meds today, can she maybe come home later?" he asked Bailey.

"_If_ and only _if_ I think she can go home, then we will look at that, but for now all I want to see is you in bed and taking your meds!" Bailey said to me.

I rolled my eyes.

"If that will get me out of here I will!"

"Just shut up and take your damn meds!" Bailey cried. "Don't roll your eyes at me because I have to sign your discharge! Not O'Malley, not Yang and definitely not Shepherd! Me and _only_ me!"

"Seriously?" I sighed.

"Seriously!" Bailey answered.

She turned and walked out of the room.

I looked up at Derek and took a deep breath.

"I'm fine!" I cried.

Derek shook his head.

"You need to relax," he sighed. He sat down at the edge of the bed and put his hands on my arm. "You need to stop thinking about everything and focus on what is now…"

"I just want to go home and be with my daughter," I told him. "Can you please just try and speed up the discharge; I _need_ to be with Charlie! It's not a request, I am begging you!"

Derek stood up and looked at me sadly.

"I'll go and talk to Bailey for you," he said.

Derek walked out and met Bailey in the hallway.

"Can we talk?" he asked with a look of desperation in his eyes.

"Okay," Bailey answered. "Talk,"

"You need to let her go home," Derek blurted out.

Bailey put her hands on her hips.

"Excuse me?" she cried.

"I can't talk to her…I can't make her happy…and the only person who can is at home, so I need _you_ to _let her_ go home," Derek sighed. "I just want to make her happy and if sending her home to be with Charlie makes her happy, I want to do that!"

Bailey sighed.

"I'll have her discharged within the hour," she said. "Just go and get her packed…"

Derek re-entered the room and smiled at me.

"You can go home," he said.

I tried to smile back but my attempt fell short of the mark.

Bailey came into the room while I was packing.

"Grey, exam!" she said a little abruptly. She turned to Derek. "Out, Shepherd!"

I sat up on the bed as Bailey pulled the leg up on my track pants.

"Have you taken your meds?" she asked.

I nodded.

"You need to start letting people in Grey," Bailey said as she re-dressed the wound.

I looked confused.

"Sorry?"

"Meredith, you need to stop pushing people away…" Bailey said shaking her head. "You have been through a lot, I get that, but you need to think about where you are heading…and as far as I can see, you are going down a road where believe me, you don't wanna be heading…"

I then realised she was talking about Derek.

"I don't want him to think I am like, this person who constantly needs him…" I sighed. "Every time I have needed someone badly, they've left!"

Bailey took a deep breath.

"He loves you," she told me. "He's not going anywhere,"

She put the instruments down and walked towards the door.

"One day you'll see exactly what I am talking about," she said as she left the room.

Cristina and Derek walked in.

"Going home?" Cristina asked.

I nodded.

"I'll go and get the car, I'll drive you and then come back," Derek leaned over and kissed my cheek.

Cristina picked up my _Dartmouth_ shirt and started folding it.

"You know its okay to talk about it…" she sighed.

I stopped what I was doing and folded my arms.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with the _real_ Cristina?" I asked.

"I'm just saying, you can talk about it…well maybe not to me…I mean you could if you want…but anyway, whatever, I just think you should talk about it…" Cristina said.

"I know…" I answered. "But not right now,"

Derek came back into the room.

"Are you ready to go? O'Malley has the car already parked out the front," he told us.

I nodded and picked up my handbag.

"Yeah, I'm ready,"

We arrived home not too much later to find Charlotte watching _Meet the Robinsons_ yet again.

"Hey!" I smiled at Charlotte who turned around with a great, big smile on her face.

"Mommy, you're back!" she cried running over and hugging me around my waist.

"Have you had breakfast?" I asked her looking at my watch.

Charlotte nodded.

"Aunty Izzie cooked me French Toast!" she answered.

"Yum," I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Izzie walked into the lounge room.

"Charlie, come bake some cookies with me honey," she said. Charlotte lifted up her arms to be carried. Izzie picked her up and carried her into the kitchen as she gave me a look that was meant to say I had to talk to Derek.

"Wanna go upstairs?" I asked him.

He smiled at me and nodded.

We entered the bedroom where I sat on the edge of the bed and stared out the window. I then turned and looked at Derek.

"It's never easy for me to talk about things like this…" I sighed.

Derek looked at me sadly and sat next to me on the bed.

"Because every time I've really needed someone in my life they haven't been there…they have left me…" I said to him. "So I guess I'm not used to people actually hanging around,"

Derek put his arms around me and pulled me close to him on the bed.

"I'll never, ever leave you Mer," he said. "You need to just let me be here for you,"

I leaned in and kissed him softly; a kiss that meant more than anything, as if it would happen again, like we would do it for the rest of our lives; a kiss that meant forever. It was in that moment that I didn't see forever being so overrated because it was all coming back to me; things that so long ago had meant so little, instances I had resisted up until now; for once in my life I had wished that this moment, this second would be a minute of a lifetime.

Derek put his hand around my waist and let it travel up around my back as he kissed me, while the other hand ran slowly through my hair. I let his lips meet my neck and fall down to my stomach where I felt my senses endearing in the moment, desperately seeking more of him. I let my hands explore his body, running my fingers through his thick, wavy hair; my face inches from his, I let my eyelashes flutter on his skin as they sent shivers through his body. At this point in time I hadn't appreciated him like this before and I knew nothing could compare to how I was feeling.


	9. Chapter 9

Not too much later Derek was lying on the bed with me, running his hand down my arm gently; with no words his touch released emotions which conveyed everything he could have said

Not too much later Derek was lying on the bed with me, running his hand down my arm gently; with no words his touch released emotions which conveyed everything he could have said. He had become so lost in the moment that when he looked over at the time and realised he had to be back at work for a surgery within the hour he jumped up.

"Crap!" he yelped as he jumped up with the sheet and pulled it away from me. I then had to get up and get dressed.

Derek was rushing around looking for his watch and his pager; I, on the other hand, was searching for my pants.

There sounded a knock at the door and Izzie poked her head in.

"Oh…" she pulled back. "Oh God, sorry!"

I rolled my eyes and looked at Derek.

"Um…just a heads up that Charlie is looking for the both of you, so I'd get dressed because she's on her way up the stairs!" Izzie told us from outside the door.

I raced over and snatched up my jeans and slipped them on quickly.

"You better get to work," I said to Derek as I leaned in and kissed him quickly.

Charlotte bounded into the bedroom.

"Mommy…" she said.

"What's up?" I asked picking her up.

"Can I have some of the icing?" she asked.

"Cake icing?" I asked looking at Izzie.

Izzie nodded.

"What did Aunty Izzie say?" I question.

"Um…yes," Charlotte replied hesitantly.

Izzie raised her eyebrows.

"I said you could have some after you ate your apple," she said

"And did you eat your apple?" I looked at Charlotte intently.

Charlotte shook her head.

"Well you need to listen to Aunty Izzie when she tells you something," I told her. "Now say goodbye to Daddy, then go and eat your apple,"

Charlotte turned to Derek and outstretched her arms.

"Bye honey," Derek said as he held her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"Bye-bye Daddy," Charlotte smiled. She wriggled out of his arms and ran back down the stairs with Derek, Izzie and me following closely behind.

"Do you have any idea on what time you'll be home?" I asked Derek.

He shook his head.

"I'll call you when I leave," he responded.

I nodded and smiled as he ran his hand down my cheek before he walked out the door.

"I'll see you tonight," I told him.

I went back into the kitchen with Izzie to find Charlotte sitting at the table eating her apple and colouring in a picture.

Izzie and I stood at the middle bench and started tidying up the mess from the cooking.

"Iz, I don't know what I would have done without you this week," I sighed.

"I know what you mean," Izzie answered. "I just think sometimes…like after Denny died, I didn't know what to do…" she continued. "…and it was like no-one really understood just how I was feeling,"

I nodded and put plates into the kitchen sink and ran the water.

"But there is something I need to ask you," Izzie blurted out.

I looked at her puzzled.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Do you just, like, dream about it?" she questioned.

I nodded.

"Like everything is happening before you and there isn't a thing you can do…" I told her.

Izzie looked at me with every bit of understanding.

"Iz, you look so tired," I sighed. "Seriously, go upstairs and get some sleep, I'm going to take Charlie upstairs soon for a little bit of a rest,"

Izzie nodded.

"Just let me clean this…" she said.

"No…" I grabbed her hands when she picked up the frying pan; I felt them shake in my grip. "Oh, Iz…"

She grasped onto my hands tightly.

"I can't do this anymore Meredith…" she sobbed.

"You need George," I told her. "You need him, because he is the only person who can make you feel better…" I kept going. "Just like I need Derek, and just like Charlie needs us…"

Izzie shook her head.

"No, you don't understand…I need George but right now the only person I want is Denny…"

I looked at her tearily.

"Is that so bad?" she asked me. "I may _need_ George and I may _depend_ on him, but all I _want_ is Denny…" she started crying. "…I love George so much and at the end of the day he means so much to me, but Denny was…"

I gripped her hands.

"Denny was everything to me…" she cried. "And I will never love anyone like I loved him…" she said. "And it sounds so selfish because I wanted so badly to die in that OR…"

"What?" I looked at her with shock.

"I wanted to die so that I could be with Denny…" Izzie said with tears falling down her cheeks, one after the other. "But I knew that George was here, and despite how much I loved Denny, I will love George for a lot longer…"

I was so saddened by what she had said that I started to cry. Realising that Charlotte had stopped drawing and was now watching Izzie and me, I wiped away my tears.

"Come on Charlie," I said. "Let's go and have a rest,"

Izzie nodded and followed us up the stairs. We reached the bedrooms where Izzie went into hers and I took Charlie into her bed.

"Stay here with me mommy," Charlotte said softly.

I nodded and lied next to her on the tiny single bed.

Later that day I awoke to Charlotte stirring; I rolled over and climbed off the bed with every attempt not to wake her. I wandered past Izzie's room to see her still sleeping, I wondered if maybe this was the first time she had slept in a while.

I walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone and dialled George's number.

"George, it's me," I said as he answered the phone.

"Is everything okay?" George questioned with a worried tone in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah…" I said in a less than convincing voice. "It's just…"

I went silent and George started to panic.

"Meredith…what's wrong?" he asked.

"I just think she needs you right now," I told him. "And I know that she will be so upset because I rang you, but she just really needs you today,"

"What if I come home for lunch and just pretend it was to check on you because Bailey sent me," George suggested.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sounds like a plan," I replied. "I'll see you soon,"

I hung up the phone and turned around to see Izzie standing in the doorway.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Um, it was George, he wanted to see if you and I had anything for lunch," I lied.

"Meredith, did you call George?" Izzie questioned.

"Um…no," I said in a tone that was less than compelling.

Izzie sighed heavily and poured herself a coffee.

"Thank you," she said looking up with relieved eyes.

"You're welcome," I replied.

It didn't take George long to come home and when he arrived Izzie and I were slightly surprised to see Bailey follow him through the door.

"Dr. Bailey!" I said with a surprised tone.

"Hi, uh, Dr. Bailey," Izzie said awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked Bailey.

Bailey looked at George.

"O'Malley seems to be incapable of checking on you, so I thought I would take the liberty of doing it myself," she replied. "So go and lay on the couch,"

A little worried about being killed by Bailey in my own house, I followed her instructions and went and lied on the couch. It wasn't before too long that Charlotte wandered down the stairs.

"Mommy…" she said walking into the lounge room.

I reached out for her.

"Did you have a nice sleep honey?" I asked.

Charlotte nodded.

"Can I have some lunch?" she questioned.

"Sure sweetie, go into the kitchen and see what Uncle George has," I told her.

Charlotte started walking into the kitchen where she met Bailey in the hallway.

"Oh, hi baby!" Bailey picked Charlotte up.

"Randa!" Charlotte said excitedly.

Bailey carried Charlotte back into the kitchen.

"George, can you fix Charlie some food while I go sort out Grey's leg," she asked George.

George outstretched his arms for Charlie to come into them; she did so without hesitation and gave him a big hug.

Sometimes I wonder where my life is going. How could I let it slip by with meaningless worry? I look around my life now and know that whatever was a worry before, it seemed so trivial now; but when life let me down it certainly gave something wonderful back. And what I know now is that the rest of my life begins here.


	10. Chapter 10

About a week later I was able to go back to work, and as I started on my first hour of rounds with my interns we walked into Tom's room

About a week later I was able to go back to work, and as I started on my first hour of rounds with my interns we walked into Tom's room.

"Dr. Grey!" he said happily. "Good to have you back with us!"

"Hi Tom," I answered with a smile. "Has anyone been in for your a.m. labs?"

Tom shook his head.

"Okay, I'll see to it that someone does that," I answered.

"Well good morning everyone!" Derek entered the room. "Okay Tom, today is the next stage in your surgery as you know,"

Tom nodded and I looked on.

"What we are going to do today is we are going to repair the skull flap that has been left open because of the damage to the brain," Derek explained. He then looked at Tom seriously. "As you know, there are risks associated with any surgery, and in your case the risks are high, so I need you to prepare your wife for that possibility,"

Tom nodded.

"I understand Dr. Shepherd," he answered.

Tom's wife walked in and Derek and I knew it was time for us to leave; I gave Tom a comforting smile before I turned to walk out the door. Derek and I stopped in the hallway as he could see just how upset it was making me; he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"How's your day going?" he asked me with a soft gaze.

I shrugged.

"Can't complain," I answered quietly; it was a lie, my day was pretty hectic to say the least, I felt like I was going to fall over from how tired I was but I knew I only had to fall back into the hospital routine.

"Are you feeling okay?" Derek held his hand to my cheek. "You know, you didn't take much time off after everything, and I could talk to the chief if you feel like you need a couple more days off…" he suggested kindly.

I smiled at his devotion, his kindness; never had I experienced such love from another person and I just didn't know how to react to it.

"Yeah I'll be fine," I replied. "I'm just a little tired, that's all,"

Derek rubbed my cheek.

"Okay," he said. "Page me if you need anything, but when Tom is finished with his wife, prep him and get him ready for transport to the OR,"

I nodded.

"Okay."

It wasn't before too long that I found myself in the OR; all was going well and at this stage there was no risk of haemorrhage nor was their chance of him stroking out at this point.

"There is no identifiable swelling of the brain," Derek noted as he examined the brain closely. "Dr. Grey, what can you tell me about the upper cortex?"

"All seems to be intact, any damage to the cortex can lead to acute and permanent amnesia, loss of facial muscle strength and position, it can also lead to severe paralysis or death," I replied.

"Well, let's start to repair the skull flap and we'll finish up," Derek said to everyone.

It was at that moment I realised that surgery and life can bare a strange resemblance. There are the delicate areas of the body, the organs, the brain and the nerves; just like this, there are fine details of life like the history of our families, skeletons in our closets; hidden secrets. Exposure can be dangerous; an open brain can ultimately kill a person, but to expose a secret or lose control, hello, what could be more damaging?

I wandered into the on call room with Derek closely in tow. I turned around to feel his arms encircle me; as I leaned up and met his lips with mine I flicked the lock closed on the door. The afternoon sunlight was peaking through the curtains allowing partial floods of light to radiate through the passion and the movement of our bodies that caressed in a sensual momentum. I felt my heart beating close to his, listening to him breathe and letting my weaknesses surface; a feeling that I knew all too well, enough to make me feel like I could reach the sky. Moments when I felt ten inches taller, rising from the darkness into the flight of the glowing core around us; I needed him desperately, for once I felt truly alive. I leaned my chin on his chest and gazed into his eyes as he ran his hands through my hair and let his fingertips raise goose bumps to the surface of my skin.

"So…there's no way that Bailey can walk in any second?" Derek asked me as he kissed my neck.

"Locked doors," I answered. My pager started beeping. "It doesn't mean that she can't page…"

I got up and quickly put on my scrubs; naturally there was always something missing, this time it was my bra, after looking for it hurriedly, I decided I couldn't keep Bailey waiting any longer.

Derek ran his hand through my hair.

"Sex hair?" I asked.

"Always," he answered. "But don't tempt me to do it again…"

I walked out of the on call room and met Bailey at the nurses' station.

"When I page, you run!" she said with her hands on her hips.

I looked at her.

"What's the problem?" I asked. "It wasn't 9-1-1 so I didn't think that it was important,"

"I need you to go to the clinic," Bailey told me.

I looked at her, anticipating a reason.

"Because…?" I asked.

"Because I said so!" Bailey answered. "You are really distracted so surgeries are a little out of the question!"

"Dr. Bailey, I just scrubbed in on a surgery with Shepherd and I am fine! Absolutely _not_ distracted!"

Bailey frowned and folded her arms.

"Grey, get down into the clinic!" she snapped.

"Okay!" I didn't dare protest again.

I walked into the clinic where I ran straight into Lexie.

"Hey!" she said with a happy smile.

"Lex," I responded. "I'm on my way to the clinic, Bailey is off her meds!"

"Yeah, I've heard she's on a bit of a warpath," Lexie answered. "Do you need an intern?"

I shrugged.

"Can't hurt," I answered.

Lexie and I entered the clinic to find it overrun with people. I looked around and suddenly I wasn't so tired, I wasn't thinking about Derek and I certainly wasn't distracted.

Down the other end of the hospital there were other things happening.

"Iz…"

Izzie started to stir from her slumber.

"Iz…" the voice sounded again and Izzie rolled over, "Iz wake up…"

She opened her eyes to see George.

"Time to get up…" he said.

Izzie looked around to establish where she was; she then remembered falling asleep from being on call the night before.

"How long was I asleep?" she asked George.

"Oh, about an hour, but Bailey needs you down in the pit and Meredith told me to wake you," he replied leaning down to kiss her.

Izzie smiled.

"A great wake up call," she told him.

George smiled back.

"Come on," he said pulling her hand. "There's a coffee at the nurse's station waiting from you with love from Cristina,"

Izzie looked surprised.

"Oh, I must be on a surgery she wants!" she concluded.

George started to laugh.

"Well, Dr. Montgomery wants a consult from Burke on a HLHS patient and she needs a particular resident for the case," George explained.

"And that would be me…" Izzie sighed. "…which means Cristina will be kissing my ass because not only is it cardio, but its Burke cardio,"

She got up and wandered over to the nurses' station where she shrugged and picked up her coffee.

Meanwhile I was swamped in the clinic when all of a sudden I was faced with a 4 year old female patient who bared a strong resemblance to Charlie. She had been brought in complaining of pains in her lower abdomen.

"Lexie," I called. "I need to book a CT and get straight up there, you are going to stay here and cover the clinic, I'll page Bailey but will you be okay?"

"Do I have a choice?" she asked nervously.

"No," I answered.

"Then I am just fine," Lexie replied.

I began to push the gurney through to CT where I met Bailey on my way there.

"What have we got?" she asked.

"4 year old, complaining of severe abdominal pain, CT is booked; I'm taking her there now,"

Bailey looked down at the little girl who was heavily sedated; she then looked back at me.

"You okay? Have you got this one because I can get Yang or Stevens…" she sounded almost sympathetic.

"I'm fine," I answered. "I better keep moving, CT is waiting,"

"Page me when you get the films," she told me. "I'll cover the clinic,"

I smiled.

"Thanks," I said.

I waited in the viewing room during the CT anticipating the results as appendicitis, but I was shocked to see what I did.

"Oh my god," I sighed. I paged Bailey immediately.

Bailey answered the page with little delay. She walked over to the screen and took a clear look at the images.

"It's a tumour…" I said. "A four year old with a tumour on her ovary,"

"Page Addison, get her up here for a consult and get her to talk to the parents," Bailey told me.

"I know she has the HLHS patient, so maybe you should talk to the parents…" I suggested.

Bailey shook her head.

"No, we need to get a consult from Addison first," she said.

It wasn't before too long that Addison made her way into the CT room.

"A four year old with an ovarian tumour?" she cried. "God!"

I nodded a little upset at the fact that this child could well be Charlotte.

"Dr. Grey, page Dr. Stevens for this one," Addison said. "Yang can takeover on the HLHS case and you can help Dr. Bailey,"

"Seriously, I'm fine," I told her.

"Not a good idea, believe me," Addison answered.

I took a deep breath and bit my tongue because I certainly wasn't in the mood to be arguing with Addison.

"Whatever you say Dr. Montgomery," I turned on my heels and walked on my way back to the pit.

On my way there I ran into Derek.

"Hey!" I said with a smile.

"Hi," he answered back as he leaned in to kiss me. "I just heard about the patient in CT."

I nodded.

"Addison told me to get someone else for the case; apparently it's too personal for me," I sighed.

Derek cupped his hands around my cheeks.

"I agree," he said. "You don't need anything like that at the moment,"

I looked at him and frowned.

"I am a surgeon," I told him. "I am tough, strong willed and I can put myself in a place with no distractions!"

Derek rubbed my cheeks.

"Meredith, I have no doubt about that because you are a great doctor and a fabulous surgeon, but you are also a mother," Derek said. "And that is what will make this case very sensitive for you, I am absolutely certain Bailey will tell you likewise,"

I looked at him and recognised he was so right.

"I have to meet Bailey in the clinic," I told him. "Do you want to meet for lunch soon?"

"Sounds good," he answered. "By the looks of the OR board, I'll be having an early night,"

I smiled.

"That…" I kissed him. "…sounds fantastic!" I put my hand to his cheek. "I have to go but…thank you,"

"Anytime," he answered kissing me.

That evening I met Izzie in the locker room where I was collecting my things ready to go home.

"Hey," she said. "Man this day has been intense!"

I nodded.

"Tell me about it," I answered. "How goes it with the case?"

Izzie took a deep breath.

"Well, Dr. Montgomery thinks that she can operate and get the whole tumour, but like it went with George's dad, they'll see what happens when they open her up," she explained. "It's so uncanny…like I think of Charlie and I look at this little girl…"

"I know," I said sharply, with intentions to end the conversation. "Are you ready? Derek is waiting for us,"

Izzie nodded.

"Yeah, let's go," she replied.

The two of us walked down into the foyer where Derek was waiting alongside George.

"You're finished early!" Izzie observed leaning over to kiss George.

George nodded.

**An odd finish, I know….but it needs to end here because I need to use the next chapter for a VERY DEFINING MOMENT!!**


	11. Chapter 11

The four of us met back at the house where we were greeted by Charlie who was now bouncing around the house excitedly

The four of us met back at the house where we were greeted by Charlie who was now bouncing around the house excitedly.

"Charlie!" I told her. "It's late for you sweetie, now settle down!"

Charlie decided now was the time to start jumping up and down on the lounge.

"Hey!" Derek grabbed her. "What did I say about jumping on the lounge?"

"I am excited Daddy!" she cried as she continued to bounce around in Derek's arms.

"I can see that!" he said. "But Mommy said it's time to settle down!"

Charlotte settled a little and started pushing Derek's cheeks together whilst laughing at the same time.

"Charlie!" I called from the kitchen. "Time for your bath!"

Derek put Charlotte on the ground and she bounded into the kitchen where she ran straight into George.

"Whoa, whoa!" he cried. "Settle down possum!"

"Charlie…" I said hesitantly. "Did you sneak into the lolly jar?"

Charlotte looked a little guilty and I had to assume that it meant she had.

"Charlotte Shepherd!" I said sternly. "What are the rules?"

"No lollies at night time!" Charlotte answered. She came over and pulled my arms so that I was at eye level with her. She then hugged me tightly. "Sorry mommy,"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's okay," I answered. "You're not in trouble,"

George started to laugh.

"How could you be angry at that face?" he asked.

"Yeah," I lifted her up. "Try putting her to bed," I turned and looked at Charlotte. "After your bath, its bedtime, now say good night to Aunty Izzie and Uncle George,"

Charlie leaned over and nuzzled noses with George.

"Goodnight," George said to her.

Izzie reached out and pulled Charlotte into her arms.

"Ni-Night Aunty Izzie," Charlotte smiled.

"Goodnight baby," Izzie replied.

Derek walked upstairs with me and into the bathroom where the bath had just been filled. I put Charlotte in the bath and started talking to Derek.

"It's been a busy day," Derek said.

"Tell me about it," I answered. "I had Lexie and my interns in the clinic because Cristina was scaring Lexie and she was apparently on the verge of a nervous breakdown,"

Derek laughed.

There sounded a knock at the bedroom door; I poked my head around the door to see Cristina.

"Hey," I said.

"Aunty Cristina!" Charlie stood up in excitement.

"Hey you, sit in the bath! I don't wanna see!" Cristina laughed. "Uh Mer, just came over because word is Bailey is organising a play date with Tuck and Little Miss Naked in the Bath!"

I raised my eyebrows.

"She has the day off tomorrow as well," Cristina informed me.

"Really?" I asked. "So my first day off in a week, I am spending it with Bailey and Tuck…actually, I don't mind spending it with Tuck but it's going to be a little awkward with Bailey…"

"I do a great fake crisis!" Cristina chimed in.

"Huh?" I cried.

"Fake crisis, like full blown Burke is going to break up with me and I am on the verge of total meltdown crisis!" Cristina said.

Derek rolled his eyes as he pulled Charlotte out of the bath.

"I think it would be nice for Charlie to spend time with Tuck," he said to us. "I mean, she really doesn't have anyone to play with…"

Cristina looked at Derek dumbfounded.

"Okay," she turned to me. "Like I said, the fake crisis is still on the table,"

I laughed.

"Thanks," I said.

"Anyway, that's the heads up, so remember if all else fails, a 9-1-1 page will totally bring on the fake crisis," Cristina told me. "So have fun tomorrow!"

"Bye Cristina," I chuckled as she left the room.

Later that night Izzie wandered into her bed and climbed under the covers; George was still downstairs watching television.

It wasn't hard for her to fall asleep, she was drained from the previous sleepless nights and that day had been particularly tiring. She closed her eyes and found herself drifting into a slumber she never thought possible. Suddenly she was back to six months ago with Denny in room 2214.

"Do it for me!" she screamed. "Please do it for me! What will I do without you?" she threw herself into his arms.

Suddenly he pulled back.

"You're doing just fine without me," he said softly.

Izzie looked up and suddenly they were in a dark room, Denny was wearing a navy t-shirt and plain pants, Izzie, on the other hand was wearing her scrubs.

"Denny?" she questioned.

"Iz…" he ran his hand down her cheek.

Izzie cupped his cheeks and kissed him intensely.

"But…how…I mean, what…?" she said, a little confused about the situation. She started to cry. "I just…I can't…it…it can't be…"

Denny grabbed her face in his hands in a rough but passionate manner. He stopped and stared right into her sparkling brown eyes, for an instant everything seemed so right and he knew how easy it would be to get lost in her gaze for hours. But then reality hit and he knew that he didn't have a lot of time, because he knew the questions would start and then he wouldn't get a word in. But looking at her Denny couldn't believe she was there, he touched her cheeks and her skin; he let her lips meet his fingertips and he studied her eyes…her eyes; they told him so much about what she was feeling, they said everything she couldn't find words to justify. More importantly, Denny knew her eyes didn't lie, they didn't hide a thing and for a moment they intensified with her emotions.

"Izzie…" he said. "We have to talk,"

Izzie was still speechless so she sat and listened.

"What happened in that OR Iz?" Denny asked.

"I don't know…" Izzie sighed. "I wanted…but then…" she stammered.

"You wanted to die?" Denny cried. "Why? Because the Isobel Stevens I know wouldn't want that! My Izzie is a fighter; she loves people even after they're gone…" he continued. "More importantly, the Izzie I know understands without a shadow of a doubt that life goes on when we lose the people we love!"

Izzie started to cry harder.

"I can never love anyone like I love you Denny…" she sobbed.

Denny took her hands and squeezed them tightly.

"Izzie…" he said.

"No, no…you don't understand…" she cried harder. "My life is not okay without you! I can't go on with my life…I only want to be with you and I can't…"

"Izzie!" Denny said loudly.

Izzie stopped.

"It's my turn, remember," he said. "Now you need to stop and listen to me…no crying and no back chat!"

Izzie nodded.

"You will be fine!" Denny told her. "You are so strong, you're caring and you know how to love someone in a way that not everyone can!" he said to her. "Take George for example, he is still standing after the Meredith thing, after his dad died and his marriage ended…do you know why?"

Izzie shook her head.

"Because of you!" Denny cried. "And Meredith…well you know the hell she has been through, the life she has had…and then this child comes along…and you are teaching her to be a wonderful mother!"

Izzie took a deep breath.

"You know, somewhere…deep down in that healthy and beautiful heart of yours Izzie that you can love George like me, because he is everything in a man I hoped you would find!" Denny said. "Izzie…"

Izzie looked at him closely.

"It's your turn…"

"I don't want to leave you Denny…" she said softly. "Because life is so hard without you…when you aren't around…I mean you believe in heaven and if that is true, why can't I be in heaven with you?"

"Because everyone here needs you," Denny told her. "Because you're an earth angel and without you, they will not survive…"

Izzie held onto his hands and leaned in to kiss him. She kissed him passionately and let herself take in every scent and every touch.

"Denny…" she said. "I don't want you to go, I can't survive without you here…"

Denny's touch grew light as Izzie cried harder.

"Iz, I'll always be here," he told her.

"No…" Izzie cried. "No! Please don't go…!" she sobbed.

"I have to," Denny said. "You'll be okay…"

"No…no, no, no!" she kissed him again. "I love you,"

"I love you Isobel Stevens, I always will…"

**This, I felt, was very important for Izzie; almost a blessing so that she can get on with her relationship with George. **


	12. Chapter 12

Suddenly Izzie was awake in her room and George was asleep next to her

Suddenly Izzie was awake in her room and George was asleep next to her. On the other hand, I was awake and found myself eating some of Izzie's muffins in the kitchen when she wandered down, wiping her eyes.

"Hey," I said. "What's wrong?"

Izzie shook her head.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she answered.

I nodded.

"Do you want a muffin?" I asked passing her the container.

"Mmm, I guess so," she replied taking one.

I could see something was wrong, so I leaned over and held her hand.

"Try and get some sleep," I told her. "I'm going back to bed,"

I walked back up the stairs and climbed into bed where Derek began to stir.

"What are you doing up?" he asked.

"Nothing," I answered quickly as I climbed under the covers and pulled them over my head.

Derek was so tired that my response didn't faze him in the slightest. So he rolled over, put his arms around me and fell back asleep.

I laid there for a while, contemplating where my life was heading; sure, I could see tomorrow as a problematic situation; but where was I really going?

The next morning I was getting ready for a big day, with Bailey coming, I didn't have a lot of time to do what I usually would on my day off.

"Meredith!" Izzie called from the kitchen.

I walked down the stairs with a set of clothes for Charlotte.

"What?" I asked Izzie.

"Have you moved the travel mugs?" Izzie questioned.

I shook my head.

"Try the second cupboard on the left of the fridge," I told her. I looked around for Charlotte. "Where's Charlie?"

Izzie shrugged.

"Last time I saw her, she was in the lounge room watching television," she replied.

I walked into the lounge room.

"Charlie, time to get ready to start the day sweetie," I told her.

Charlotte came over to me.

"When is Randa coming?" she asked as I took off her night shirt.

"In a while," I replied.

Derek appeared at the door and smiled at us.

"Ah, it's my two favourite girls!" he said happily.

I smiled back as I slipped a pretty white top over Charlotte's head. I then pulled some leggings on her; the rain always made Seattle slightly cooler than most places. As I fitted her pink and white dress around her waist, Izzie and George strolled into the lounge room to see us before they left.

"Time for work?" I asked Derek.

"Not for me, I still have an hour," he replied.

"What time will you be home?" I asked Izzie and George.

"Not sure yet," George answered. "I won't have Bailey ragging me so it may be an early night,"

Izzie laughed.

"Okay, so I'll start dinner around seven," I told them.

"Oh god, she's going to cook," Izzie groaned.

"Hey! I can cook!" I protested.

"Mmm, sure," Izzie said sarcastically. "Just keep the fire extinguisher handy!" she warned.

I rolled my eyes.

"Have a nice day baby," Izzie said to Charlotte.

"Bye princess," George kissed Charlotte's forehead. "See you tonight,"

Charlotte waved to them both as they walked out the door.

Derek walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me; he rubbed his hands over my stomach and around my back.

"Charlie, sweetie," I said.

Charlotte looked up.

"Just wait down here honey, mommy and daddy are just going upstairs okay," I told her. "Don't answer the door, come and get us if you hear someone knocking,"

Derek and I moved upstairs quickly where we knew we didn't have long.

"Five minutes," he said in between kisses.

"Deal," I answered pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning mine.

It wasn't a moment sooner that I found myself lying on the bed breathing heavily. Derek pressed his lips to my neck and moved up to face me.

"Wow," I said. "Quickest sex ever,"

Derek nodded.

"Mommy!" I heard Charlotte shriek as she started running up the stairs.

"Quick!" I said throwing Derek his shirt as I threw my clothes back on.

"Mommy!" Charlotte called again.

"Just a second honey!" I called back.

The doorknob rattled in her anticipation and just as I gave Derek his belt, I turned and opened the door.

"Randa's here!" Charlotte exclaimed.

I took her hand and walked down the stairs to open the door; I saw Bailey and Tuck waiting.

"Hi!" I said with a smile.

Charlotte's eyes beamed in excitement.

"Hey Tuck!" I cooed as I pulled Tuck into my arms. "How are you buddy?" I asked him bouncing him around on my hip.

Bailey walked with me into the kitchen as she set Tuck down in the lounge room with Charlotte.

"Charlie, make sure that Tuck doesn't try and eat any of the little things around!" I told her.

Charlotte nodded.

I followed Bailey into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

"So, tell me…" she sighed. "How are _you_?"

I shrugged.

"I'm getting by," I said.

"Getting by?" Bailey asked. "Grey, if you are just getting by…I'm worried."

I frowned.

"Worried?" I questioned.

"Meredith Grey, I've been worried about you from day one," Bailey told me.

She stood in front of me at the kitchen bench.

"I know you are tough and I get that…" she said. "I mean, they don't call me the Nazi for nothing…"

I laughed.

"Oh, Bailey…" I sighed. "I can't find a way to talk to Derek about it because I just know that he can't bear to hear it…"

Bailey put her hands on mine.

"If you tell him, he will listen," she replied. "You know you can mask all of this with the sex in inappropriate places and all the talk about babies and Charlie, but you'll never really hide it; these things have a way of coming back to bite us in the ass,"

Later that day Bailey and I were playing with the kids when Derek walked through the door.

"Bailey!" he smiled at her.

"Shepherd," Bailey acknowledged him and then looked at me raising her eyebrows as if to tell me what I was going to do next.

I looked back her and glanced at the kids in response.

"They're fine," she said.

I put my arm around Derek and followed him into the kitchen.

"I've gotta talk to you," I said to him as I sat on the barstool and pulled him close where I could wrap my arms around his waist.

"What's wrong?" he asked kissing my forehead.

"You know how I told you I was okay?" I sighed rubbing his arms.

Derek pulled the hair out of my face.

"You're not…" he answered. "Are you?"

I shook my head.

"I'm not…"

Derek pulled me close.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

I shrugged and bit my lip, holding back a flood of tears.

"I couldn't…I mean, I didn't…I just…" I stammered. "I just couldn't say it…"

Derek pulled me off the barstool.

"Come upstairs," he said softly in my ear.

I followed him up the stairs into the bedroom where I sat on the edge of the bed. He walked in front of me, pacing around looking slightly anxious.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Typical of me to now ask him a question he was only just asking me before.

He walked over to the bathroom and then paced back in front of me.

"You know there are so many places that I thought would be appropriate for this, so many times that would fit so much better…" he said.

I looked confused.

"Derek, sex in the bedroom on your lunch break is always perfect timing in the perfect place…" I replied.

"It's not about the sex…" he answered.

I frowned, a little disappointed.

"What is it then?" I asked.

Derek stopped and stood in front of me. My heart sank because never had I seen him look so serious and so concerned.

"Derek…" I pressed.

He looked at me again and then turned away; it was in that moment I started to worry.

"Okay, fine…whatever, I am going back downstairs," I got up and walked to the door, as my fingertips reached the doorknob, I felt him pull me back. I fell into his arms and turned around.

He then did something that I never thought he would, an inevitable moment; something I had wondered about but never actually envisioned happening, for when I saw tears forming in his eyes I had no choice but to realise what he was about to do and then I, too, found tears surfacing to the base of my eyes.

"Derek…" I whispered.

He then knelt down in front of me and I took a deep breath.

"Oh my god…" I breathed.

"Will you marry me?" he asked.


	13. Chapter 13

I looked at him with wide eyes; while anticipation can deliver a sense of how it would feel, I could never entirely prepare for how it would actually feel

I looked at him with wide eyes; while anticipation can deliver a sense of how it would feel, I could never entirely prepare for how it would _actually_ feel. So being who I was, I couldn't answer him; at this point I didn't feel like I could actually breathe…wait, I couldn't breathe.

I started taking deep and shallow breaths in any attempt to keep breathing, but it was no use.

"Meredith…" Derek grabbed my shoulders.

"I can't…" I choked on my words. "…breathe…"

Derek reached under my night stand for my inhaler that a doctor had prescribed for my anxiety attacks.

"Don't try to talk…" he said rubbing my back. "It's okay, just breathe Mer,"

I looked at him with tears in my eyes, knowing that at the moment I couldn't give him the answer he was looking for, so I got up and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, turning the lock in an attempt to bolt out the world. I leaned against the door and slid down it to the tiles.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to myself. "He loves you…"

Derek, in the meantime, had made his way back downstairs and into the lounge room.

"I have to go back to work," he told Bailey.

She nodded and looked at the sadness that had filled his eyes.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

Derek shook his head.

"She's in the bathroom," he told her.

Bailey nodded and looked at Charlotte.

"Honey, I am just going up to talk to mommy, can you wait here with Tuck?" she asked.

Charlotte nodded.

"Bye princess," Derek leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Bye daddy," Charlotte answered.

Upstairs I was still in the bathroom, not too much sooner, I was startled by the rattling of the doorknob. I sniffled, but didn't dare open the door.

"I can't talk to you when you're crying like that…" I heard Bailey say in frustration, but at the same time I heard an ounce of sympathy in her voice.

I walked over and unlocked the door; Bailey opened it and walked in.

"What the hell's all this crying for?" she asked. "What, are you pregnant? Because these hormones are really familiar to me…" she joked.

I shook my head.

"Derek asked me to marry him…" I blurted out.

Bailey raised her eyebrows.

"You ran, didn't you?" she said.

I nodded.

"Slammed the door in his face, had a full blown panic attack," I sighed.

Bailey reached out her hand and pulled me off the floor.

"Let's go," she said.

I got up and followed her.

"I will stay with the kids and you are going to run out to that car right now," she told me. "He will still be there,"

I knew she was right, so I ran out the door and saw him sitting in his car. I looked at him and saw sadness.

He climbed back out of the car and stood in front of me.

"So…" I said.

"So..." he answered.

I smiled at him.

"I'm never good with these things, and that's not going to change…" I sighed. "But, I will…I mean…I do…I mean…yes," I stumbled.

Derek's mouth curled into a smile.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

Derek smiled widely and pulled me into his arms, twirling me around in the air as I laughed.

"So…why don't you come back inside for lunch," I suggested.

"Sounds good Mrs. Shepherd," he joked.

I laughed at how strange that sounded.

"But before we go inside," Derek reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box, he opened it and revealed a beautiful princess cut, white gold diamond ring.

"Whoa," I stood back. "Is that mine?"

Derek nodded.

"Can I wear it?" I asked.

"I can take it back if you don't like it…" he started to say.

I shook my head.

"Uh-uh, no way!" I told him. "Put it on?"

Derek pulled my hand up and pushed the ring up my finger; he then leaned down and kissed me.

"Perfect fit," I whispered.

"For the perfect hand," Derek answered.

With no ability to contain my excitement, I decided that after Tuck and Bailey went home, I would take Charlotte with me to the hospital so I could tell Cristina.

We waited in the locker room until Cristina came in.

"What's the news?" she asked. "Don't tell me Bailey sent you here,"

I pulled my hand out of my pocket.

"Holy crap!" Cristina grabbed my hand and examined the ring closely.

I nodded happily.

"You're engaged? Meredith Grey, leader of all fears of commitments, is engaged!" Cristina cried.

Just as she said that Izzie walked through the door.

"You're what?!" she exclaimed.

I smiled at her.

"Oh my god!" Izzie cried. "You are officially the future Mrs. McDreamy!"

"You're the what?" George happened to walk by at that moment.

Izzie snatched up my hand and showed George.

"Take a look!" she said excitedly.

George smiled widely and hugged me. He then turned to Charlotte.

"Hey you!" he said pulling her up into his arms.

"Uncle George, can you take me to see the babies?" she asked.

George looked at me.

"It's fine with me, but don't act up for Uncle George!" I told Charlotte.

She nodded.

"George," I said as he went to walk out.

He turned and looked at me.

"Don't give her any lollies!" I told him.

"I won't!" he promised.

Later that day Charlotte and I arrived home, she had fallen asleep in the car, so I had to carry her upstairs to bed. Just as I lied her down she woke up.

"Mommy…" she said softly.

"Did you have a nice day?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Can I be a doctor one day?" she asked.

"Honey, if that's what you want, then you will be…" I told her. "I want you to be happy and if that makes you happy, I would love for you to be a doctor,"

I ran my hand down her cheek.

"I love you very much," I said. "I want you to know that I will do anything for you, okay,"

She nodded.

"Come here," I pulled her up off the bed and into my lap. "You know something, we can read fairytales and you can believe in them as much as it takes to make you happy…"

"Like being a princess?" Charlotte asked.

I nodded.

"But, sometimes you have to make your own fairytales, because sometimes they don't always come true…" I told her.

Charlotte looked at me sadly.

"So I can't be a princess? I can't have happy ever after?" she asked.

I then felt rotten.

"Oh honey, that's not what I meant," I told her. "I just mean that sometimes fairytales aren't everything…but look at me, I have you and daddy, and that for me is more than any fairytale, it's my _real_ happy ending…"

Charlotte hugged me tightly.

"You'll get a fairytale one day Charlotte," I told her. "I promise that you will get it one day…"


	14. Chapter 14

Later that day I found the house strangely quiet with George the only person at home with me

Later that day I found the house strangely quiet with George the only person at home with me.

"I almost miss the noise around here this afternoon…it's, like, strangely quiet…" I commented.

Suddenly the door busted open.

"No! I am not giving up Hahn's surgery tomorrow!" I heard Izzie shout.

"Oh shut it! The only reason you are on that surgery is because you are currently on the preschool squad!" came Cristina's voice.

I looked at George.

"I'm over it…" I told him.

"Yeah, I want quiet again," George answered.

Cristina and Izzie walked in, followed by Derek.

"Oh, so by taking the surgery I am attached to peds?" Izzie cried.

"That's what I am saying," Cristina replied.

Izzie threw down her keys.

"God! You're infuriating!" she yelled. Her voice softened when she saw Charlotte. "Hi baby," she gave her a kiss on the forehead.

Derek walked over.

"Hahn is doing the first stage Norwood on the HLHS patient," he explained as he picked up Charlotte. "Hey honey," he gave her a kiss.

I stood with my hands on my hips.

"Are you forgetting something?" I asked.

Derek smiled.

"How was your day Mrs. Shepherd?" he asked as he leaned down to give me a lip tingling kiss.

"Fine," I answered.

Izzie smiled and Cristina groaned.

"Mer, where's the booze?" she asked. "If we are celebrating, I need booze!"

I chuckled.

"There's a locked cupboard in the lounge room, you should fine some red wine or something," I told her.

Charlotte kneeled up on the barstool and leaned across the bench to pick up a cookie.

"Hey!" I tapped her hand with a wooden spoon.

Izzie picked up a cookie.

"What the hell is this?" she asked.

I frowned.

"I baked cookies!" I protested.

"You baked?" Derek asked with a cookie in his mouth. He then pulled it away with disdain.

Izzie looked stunned.

"No, no, no!" she said. "Listen, this kitchen is my domain!" her hands circled the area of the kitchen. "If you burn it down, I have nowhere to go! I have nowhere to bake lots and lots of muffins!"

"I get it, you stress bake…really well, but I am going to have to learn to wife bake!" I cried.

Izzie laughed and pulled an edge off the cookie, taking a bite.

"How much baking soda did you put in this?" Izzie asked with a frown.

"Half a _tsp_ so half a tablespoon!" I replied.

"What, are you dyslexic?" Izzie cried. "_Tsp_ is teaspoon you Martha Stewart try-hard!"

I started to laugh as I put my head down on the counter in embarrassment.

Derek patted my head and carried Charlotte into the living room.

"Do you want a movie on?" he asked her.

Charlotte nodded.

"Meet the Robinsons?" she asked.

Derek sighed deeply.

"Honey, I don't want to watch it again…" he groaned.

Charlotte pulled at his hair lovingly.

"Please, please daddy!" she pushed her forehead into his. "Please…" she battered her eyelashes.

Derek rolled his eyes.

"Okay," he sighed. "But no more tricks from mommy,"

Charlotte clapped her hands excitedly.

"Can I have _Mooney_ and _Dotty_?"

_Mooney_ was her blanket and _Dotty_ was her bottle.

"No sweetie, Dotty is broken and Mooney is in the washing," Derek answered.

I heard him say it and wondered how long it would take before the fight started.

"But…but I-I want it…" Charlotte's eyes welled with tears.

"Derek…" I said poking him in the arm. "Just give it to her,"

Derek shook his head and Charlotte started to sob uncontrollably. It was then her crying became too much for me to bear, so I came into the room and grabbed her from Derek in an attempt to console her.

"I want my Dotty!" she cried as I rocked her in my arms.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, it's broken…" I said as her sobs grew louder. "I could go and get teddy, do you want teddy?"

Charlotte continued to cry and Derek patted my arm while he rubbed her back.

"Okay, now settle down…" I told her. "It's okay now,"

Charlotte's cries turned to weeps and she slowly calmed down.

"Now, come and have some dinner," I said carrying her into the kitchen; I set her down on the barstool.

Izzie came straight over and rubbed her cheeks.

"No more tears baby," she said.

Charlotte turned and reached out for me to pick her up.

"Charlie…let me finish your dinner honey," I sighed.

Charlotte looked at me with a deep sigh.

"No more children," I said on the side to Derek.

Derek smiled and moved to set the table.

Later that night I put a very sleepy Charlotte to bed, said good night to Izzie and George and walked into the bedroom where Derek was lying with his eyes closed.

"Hey…" I said as I climbed onto the bed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sleeping…" he groaned.

I sat on top of him and leaned down to kiss his lips.

"You're not sleeping!" I told him. "No way!"

Derek started to laugh and flipped me onto my back where he then lied on top of me. He then flicked at the drawstring on my pants.

"Sex?" he asked kissing my neck.

"It's what I'm saying…" I murmured as his lips met mine. I moved my hands over his torso and over his neck, my fingers travelling through his hair.

"You're hopeless…" he laughed.

"Too right," I pulled the covers over our heads.

**A very quick chapter; but nevertheless a little entertainment. The next chapter is a little fluff I came up with in about half an hour.**


	15. Chapter 15

That night I lied awake; see that's the thing as a surgeon, we crave the times we get to sleep at a decent hour, but sometimes it is virtually impossible to sleep

That night I lied awake; see that's the thing as a surgeon, we crave the times we get to sleep at a decent hour, but sometimes it is virtually impossible to sleep. Tonight was no exception, I had a lot on my mind; according to my therapist it wasn't the fact that I was totally wrecked with abandonment issues that made me terrified of marriage, it was a fear of failing. But could I change for the better? Maybe marriage was what I was indeed looking for. While I am not a selfish person, I did in fact have a lot of questions, so I decided to wake Derek.

"Derek…" I said.

He stirred slightly and rolled over, looking at me with tired eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"I need to ask you a question…" I said.

"What's that?" he sighed.

"Why do you want to marry me?" I asked.

He smiled and ran his hand down my cheek.

"Because I love you…" he said.

"That doesn't mean anything, Cristina loves Burke, but she can't bring herself to marry him," I told him. "I love surgery, but I can't exactly marry it…"

"Meredith," Derek sighed.

I looked at him, searching his eyes, desperate for answers.

"Since I met you, my life has changed…" he said. "I want to spend my life growing old with you, in a big white house, overlooking the whole of Seattle,"

I smiled.

"But Mer, sometimes it isn't just love," he told me. "Because there are things that mean even more than that,"

I looked a little confused as Derek continued.

"It's like, I can't imagine not waking up next to you," he said. "I couldn't live another moment if I knew I couldn't kiss you whenever I wanted to,"

I felt my heart beating rapidly at the sound of his voice.

"And your voice…" he sighed. "I couldn't bear not hearing your voice, whether you're whining or not, complaining about Charlie not eating a dinner you spent two hours preparing…"

I laughed.

"And your laugh," he smiled. "You have this pitch in your laugh that is so perfect it makes me smile every time I hear it…it's so unique and amazing that if I were anywhere in the hospital and I heard you laugh, I would, without a doubt, know it was you,"

I smiled; my eyes must have been twinkling.

"Oh, those eyes," Derek gazed into them. "I cannot imagine a minute where I couldn't look into those eyes, because they say everything you are too scared to say; they tell me what you are thinking when you don't want to let me in…they tell me who you are,"

"And what's that? Who am I?" I asked him, anticipating the response.

"You…" Derek leaned in to kiss me. "Are everything to me,"

I felt our lips meet and part in the most tender of ways; for one moment I believed that nothing could compare to this.

The next morning I couldn't stop smiling – not only was I completely high on life, but it was the first time in a good few weeks we'd seen the sun shining in Seattle, a rarity at this time of year.

"Good morning!" I said happily as I entered the kitchen that morning to find Izzie, George, Derek and Charlotte awake. I leaned down and kissed the top of Charlotte's head and then moved to kiss Derek. "Hey you," I said smiling.

"Good morning," he kissed my lips softly. "How did you sleep?"

"Best sleep in a long time!" I said cheerfully as I pulled Charlotte off the bar stool and sat her in my lap as I sat on it. "What's for breakfast?" I asked.

"French toast, fruit and muesli!" Izzie answered. "Strawberries," she told me as she handed me the punnet. "I know they're your favourite,"

I smiled at her.

"Yum!" I picked one up. "Why all the fuss?"

"Well, seeing as though you can't even bake cookies, I figured I'd at least cook a hearty breakfast!" Izzie chuckled.

"Oh, I appreciate it Iz," I laughed. "The vote of support does really well for my confidence as a cook,"

"You don't need a boost of confidence," Izzie told me. "Stay feeling inadequate, I don't want a burnt down kitchen!"

I started laughing and stood up with Charlotte in my arms.

"Now," I said to her. "Lucy is coming today, and I won't be late,"

"How come you aren't at home today?" Charlotte asked.

"Because I have to work sweetie," I said.

Charlotte frowned.

"Do you really have to?" she asked sadly.

I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Yep," I answered.

I took her upstairs while we waited for breakfast so I could dress her.

"Yellow and red flower dress?" I asked holding up an amazing dress I had bought her not too long ago; it was this fabulous marigold yellow with scarlet red hibiscus flowers covering it.

Charlotte nodded.

"Get yourself a top to wear under it," I told her. I was now encouraging her to dress herself so that on the mornings I started early, she wasn't exactly relying on Lucy to dress her.

Once she was dressed we wandered downstairs to find breakfast waiting on the table for us.

"Smells good Iz," I commented.

Derek looked at Charlotte and I saw his heart melt.

"You look so beautiful," he said to her as he pulled her up into his arms and kissing her cheek.

Izzie and George looked over at them and smiled.

"Are you sure you won't have any more children?" Izzie asked me.

"One is more than enough," I answered. "But, I say that now, come fourth or fifth year, it may be a different story,"

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Let's not put a time limit on it," he smiled.

I squeezed his hand under the table.

Later that day at the hospital, I felt as though I was wandering aimlessly throughout the halls of the surgical wing; I was on discharges with George and we had completed all the morning labs and post op checks; we now had nothing to do – not something that comes along very often in a hospital.

"Ah, bored, bored, bored," I groaned. "Why are we so bored?"

George looked at me.

"Please don't say that this is boring, because that leaves no possibility for the impulsive, kick ass surgery we could get!" he cried.

I stopped and looked at the OR board.

"He's in surgery…" I sighed out loud.

George chuckled.

"Wake up!" he laughed. "Let's hit the pit or the clinic…serve our boredom on a nice shiny platter with scalpels!"

Just as George said that, we ran right into Bailey.

"Did I hear you say boredom?" she cried. "In a hospital?"

"I…uh…we…" George stumbled.

"_We_ were just heading down to the pit or the clinic, to see if someone could use a hand!" I told Bailey.

Bailey nodded.

"Go ahead then," she said. "And no more boredom!" she called after us.

George and I were in the pit for a little while, up until Derek came out of surgery and decided to go home for a few hours before his next surgery.

After scattering my interns, I also decided to go home. I walked through the door to see Derek and Charlotte asleep on the couch; I felt a little bad because I knew that he was tired from me keeping him awake last night. I wandered over and ran my hand down his cheek.

"Hey," I said softly.

He opened his eyes and smiled.

"Come and talk to me in the kitchen," I told him.

Momentarily Derek entered the kitchen. He walked over and gave me a gentle kiss.

"I thought I would come and have some lunch with you and Charlie, but she's asleep, so it looks like it's just you and me," I smiled.

Derek smiled back and rubbed my back.

"Don't sound so disappointed," he laughed. "We can have a lot of fun with that!"

I started to laugh.

"Now!" I cupped his cheeks firmly. "You need to tell me what you would like for lunch,"

He pulled me into his arms spontaneously and I giggled.

"Can I have you?" he asked as he pressed his lips to my neck.

"I'm serious!" I giggled pulling back to face him.

"So am I," he answered kissing me again.

I pulled back.

"Make a decision or it's no lunch!" I told him.

"I'd rather starve!" he laughed pulling me back to him.

I gave in and let him pull me upstairs to the bedroom knowing there was not a lot of time before Charlie woke up.


	16. Chapter 16

Not a whole lot later, I heard the front door open downstairs; it startled me slightly and I jumped up, pulling the sheet to my chest

Not a whole lot later, I heard the front door open downstairs; it startled me slightly and I jumped up, pulling the sheet to my chest.

"Meredith? Charlie?" I heard Izzie call as she bounded up the stairs.

I poked my head out of the door.

"Hey," I said to her. "Charlie's asleep downstairs,"

"What are you doing up here…poking your head out the door like your naked or something…" it must have then clicked in Izzie's mind. "Oh, oh ew…"

"I'll meet you in the kitchen, just let me get changed," I told her.

Izzie shuddered and made her way down the stairs.

I walked back into the bedroom to see Derek lying under the covers looking at me, all dreamy and desirable.

"Izzie's home," I said. "And we usually have a bit of midday catch up,"

"Which means?" Derek asked.

"Oprah and girl chat!" I laughed as I slipped my Dartmouth shirt over my head and pulled on my jeans.

I smiled at him as I reached for the door handle, knowing that the dreaminess and the desirability would be there the rest of our lives. A little scary, I know, but I had to admit that sometimes the excitement outranked the fear and suddenly my world was not all that awful.

"Sometimes I go crazy waiting for it to start…" I told him.

Derek looked at me, anticipating the craziness of my remark.

"Waiting for what?" he asked.

"Forever," I answered as I left the room. I pulled the door shut and leaned against it. "And it starts when you least expect," I breathed a heavy sigh and walked downstairs to the kitchen. "Hey!"

Izzie whirled around and held up a DVD.

"Ooh, what do we have here?" I asked. "Ah, classic love…how appropriate!"

Izzie laughed.

"Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, a love story in our own town! It's completely ideal!" she said happily.

"Is it Izzie ideal or Meredith ideal?" I asked. "Because Meredith ideal would see more of a Glenn Close, bunny in the boiler, type story!"

Izzie looked mortified.

"You didn't just say that?" she cried.

I shook my head.

"Joking," I replied. "So are we watching this tonight, because I have a feeling it could be an early one,"

Izzie smiled.

"Good plan," she answered. "So what were you and Shepherd up to?"

I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.

"Izzie,"

She laughed.

"I think I'm better left in the dark, hey?" she said.

"Yes," I told her.

Derek entered the kitchen.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Izzie eyed him up and down. She turned around and looked at me. "He looks tired; you've put him through a work-out, well done!"

I laughed.

"Thanks Iz, now let's go watch some Oprah before we have to go back to work," I said to her.

"Hey, I don't have to go back," Izzie answered. "I exceeded my 80 hour limit!"

"Oh Charlie will love that!" I smiled. "Just keep her out of the cookie jar!"

Izzie smiled.

"Will do," she answered picking up a packet of potato chips and following me into the lounge room where Charlotte was just beginning to wake.

"Hey," I picked her up. "Did you have a nice sleep?"

Charlotte nodded and went into my arms where she rested her head on my shoulder.

Derek walked into the lounge room.

"Hey princess!" he said with a smile as he reached down and pulled her into his arms. "Guess what! You are going to stay with Aunty Izzie this afternoon while mommy and I go back to work for a while!"

Charlotte nodded happily.

"Okay!" she answered.

The hospital was overrun with people that afternoon and it wasn't until late that Derek and I found ourselves coming home with George in tow.

"Uh I need sleep!" I moaned as I rested my head on Derek's shoulder while he unlocked the door.

"Me too," George chimed in.

I wandered upstairs and poked my head in to see Charlie sleeping soundly in her bed. I then went and climbed into my bed, followed by Derek who hit the pillow with a flop.

"What a day," I sighed.

"Tell me about it," he answered putting his arms around me and closing his eyes.

"Goodnight," I said.

"Goodnight Mer," he replied as we fell asleep.

Later that night I woke to the sound of Charlotte crying and screaming; I opened my eyes.

"Charlie!" I cried. I jumped out of bed and scrambled around the room to find a shirt to throw over my head. Derek jumped up and followed me into Charlotte's room where she was tossing and turning and crying.

"Mommy!" she sobbed. "Mommy! Daddy!"

I grabbed her off the bed.

"Charlie, wake up!" I said shaking her in order to wake her. "Charlie!"

Charlotte opened her eyes and started sobbing.

"Mommy!" she cried throwing her arms around me, her grip tightening so much her fingers were digging into the skin on my back.

"It's alright," I whispered kissing the side of her head and rubbing her back. I looked up at Derek and knew very well that it wasn't okay.

I lied there for a short while and rubbed her cheeks while she fell back asleep. I looked up at Derek as his eyes grew droopy and he looked as though he was struggling to stay awake.

"Go back to bed," I whispered to him. "I'll be there soon,"

He nodded, leaned down and kissed my forehead and wandered back into the bedroom. Not too much later I walked back into the bedroom; it was dark in there but I could see Derek's shadow on the bed.

"Is she okay?" he asked through the darkness.

"Yeah, I think it was just a nightmare," I replied as I climbed into bed and cuddled into him. But an instant later I heard the door creak open and saw Charlotte, in the shadows, trod over to the bed with her blanket. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

She pulled back the covers and climbed under the blankets.

"I want you," she said tearily.

"Come here," I sighed sitting up and pulling her into my arms. "What happened sweetie?"

Charlotte started to cry.

"I got scared…" she sobbed. "I couldn't see you…you were gone…"

Derek sighed deeply. He then moved to put his arms around the two of us where I, too, felt like crying.

"It's okay," he said in my ear. "It's going to be okay,"

But for one moment I changed my new found optimism and wondered if we were _really_ going to be okay; at that moment I didn't know. What I did know, however was that I was going to have to work hard to keep this family on its feet; I needed a plan, a plan that wouldn't fail.

**There is another sequel coming for this one; but I am not quite there yet. Only halfway through writing so I might post some soon!! Look out for it, it's called **_**Realize**_**.**


End file.
